Kobe Bryant

I realize that 90% of the people who read this blog (my parents, my siblings, my friends) do not follow the NBA very closely.

You guys are just going to have to deal with some NBA news for a moment.

Kobe Bryant is widely acknowledged as the most prolific scorer in the NBA. He's a fair to good defender. He's a good to excellent late-game player. And he's one of the only guys in the league who seems to really, passionately, care about winning. This week he's gone on a rampage about the ineptitude of the Lakers' front office, then today announced that he wants to be traded from the Lakers. This is so ridiculous that I had to invoke my "two source" rule.

I'm not sure if anyone else is aware of this, but Kobe Bryant is also one of the most widely reviled players in the league. Even before the whole rape trial (charges were dropped), Kobe had the reputation of being a colossal jerk whose arrogance was Jordan-esque without any of the accomplishments. Then he racked up 3 rings as Shaq's side-kick and became the 'too-successful' guy that everyone loves to hate. Then he threw Shaq under the bus while being interviewed by the police. Then he appeared to orchestrate Shaq's departure from the Lakers.

Kobe has become the lightning-rod for everything NBA-related. The Blogoverse screams constantly that he was robbed from the MVP award the past two seasons, and at the same time the MSM (who votes on the MVP) didn't even let him get close to the award. On a hundred NBA blogs you will find one group of people saying that if you don't like Kobe, you don't like basketball. At the same time you'll see other people saying Kobe represents everything that is wrong with basketball. These people tend to not get along, with increasingly escalating rhetoric.

So now that Kobe is demanding a trade, expect all coverage of the NBA playoffs to disappear from the blogoverse or the MSM. Remember when Allen Iverson got traded earlier this year, and we didn't hear anything else about it for weeks (lame)? This is bigger. Whoever acquires Kobe is going to have to gut their team to get him, and then they are going to be surprised when he really doesn't make them much better. Oh, and for the record, I think he'll end up in a Lakers uniform next year.

I think this says something about how the NBA is being perceived: Everyone is looking towards the future. Nobody cares about the present. Why? Because the present sucks. The Spurs are the best team in the league. They are lead by the greatest PF of all time, but also by a guy dating an annoying actress and another guy who could be described as a 6-6 version of Vlade Divac without the popular appeal.

I think this is crazy. The NBA has completely lost it. I'm at the point, as a diehard fan who will probably never really give it up, where I just don't care. The rules are enforced asymmetrically, the officiating is awful, and most of the teams were trying to lose this year.

My Quick Review of Pirates III

Apparently, episode three of Johnny Depp selling out to the man (in this case, Disney) is going to be an on-going saga.

And by on-going, I mean, never-f***ing-ending.

So in case you missed the last one, here's the brief recap:

Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightly made googly eyes at each other. Johnny Depp (uh...Jack Sparrow) said goofy things, waved his hands around in the air, and just generally acted completely amoral. The ship's sergeant said stupid things. There were some really ridiculous fight scenes. Good guys became bad guys, bad guys became good guys.

And there was a really big squid.

Whew. I quite enjoyed Pirates II.

Now, about Pirates III. There's this one scene maybe 1/3rd of the way into the film. I don't want to spoil it for you, but Jack Sparrow is dead. Oh shit. I just spoiled it for you.

Anyway. This scene is a little trippy.

This the best thing in the whole freaking movie. Why? Because it unabashedly acknowledges that nothing makes a damned bit of sense.

Look, filmmakers. I like style in a film. Really, I do. The first two Pirates were all style. This one is too.

But could we please, please have a little bit of internal consistency from film to film? I mean, I really got the feeling that every single thing in this movie was made up on the spot. A lot of the movie seems to revolve around freeing a particular character. Once free, this character is never mentioned again.

Uh what?

So to recap: There is one interesting scene in this movie, a lot of stupid special effects, a fair number of overly dramatic flourishes, and the kind of internal consistency that seems to suggest cause and effect are random dreams of a heroin junkie.

My rating system is based on the amount of money (up to ten dollars) that I'd believe the movie-going experience was worth.

I'd give Pirates of the Caribbean III a $7 rating.

Making a few stupid lists

For some reason, I like to make lists that group non-similar objects or ideas. One reason I like this is because it makes me think of the multiple meanings of different words.

So that's what I'm going to do right now.

Things that smell bad:
Dogs
Wastewater treatment plants
Acetone
Genocide

Animals I think are cute:
Cats
Dogs
Crayfish
Garfield

The first five words that come to mind when I hear the word duck:
swim
Mallard
quack
lakes
trolls

Good topics of conversation:
Utopian living
Basketball
Environmental policy
the total destruction of all life on earth

Ok, I admit it, I just wanted to write "The total destruction of all life on Earth." I can't explain it.

I went golfing this weekend.

Sitting in the library

The summer has exploded into activity. After months of hard work in isolation, suddenly I'm in charge of a pair of undergraduates, in charge of planning experiments, and still trying to get finished with my own stuff.

Here's some thoughts:

1. I have an undergrad working for me who is very full of herself. She's certain that A) she's the shit and B) her rich boyfriend will keep her from ever needing to work. She's interested in science because it will be "A reason to get out of bed in the morning."
If you're rich and you want a reason to get out of bed in the morning, work at a f***ing soup kitchen. Seriously, I can't imagine a scenario where that wouldn't be more fulfilling.

2. The prof I work with most closely (who routinely drives me insane), has been astonishingly nice lately. Frankly, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. He hasn't insulted anyone to their face for most of the past 2 weeks. Do I forgive and forget?
You may have heard the old saying: "Women forgive, but never forget. Men forget but never forgive."
That's a load of crap. Not only do I not forgive, I write things down so I don't forget.

3. Boston slipped to #5 in the NBA draft. That's great. I've throroughly enjoyed having a city to hate. Thanks Boston.

4. If you've never taken a green fluorescent light and dropped it into a lake at night, and then seined up whatever showed...well....you should. That is AWESOME. I may do this fifty times this summer.

5. I'm working on an NSF grant. This is almost guaranteed to fail on the first attempt, but everyone agrees that it is a good idea. So I'm writing it anyway. If I were to get an NSF grant that would go a long ways towards proving my value as a scientist. Of course, even if they did fund it on the first attempt (unbelievably unlikely), I wouldn't find out until probably October/November....if I'm lucky.
The subject of this grant? The Zeroeth Law of Stoichiometry (homeostasis).

6. I'm sitting in the library 'watching' the undergraduates who are here for the summer class session. The station is packed, and there is all kinds of craziness occurring. Officially it is a dry campus for this two week session, but I'll let you in on a little secret.
This coffee mug next to the computer here?
That's not coffee.

Live-Blogging Spurs-Suns

(post about non-basketball life stuff below)

After 1 quarter, here's what we know:

-Against the Spurs, Amare makes the Suns worse.

-Shawn Marion should be playing the 4.

- Kurt Thomas isn't as bad on offense as I thought.

- The Suns are the most enjoyable team in the NBA.

As an aside: Steve Nash will go home this summer to run a camp for hockey players who want to learn how to play basketball, but don't understand why the ice is wood-covered. NBA Cares.

- 13 points by the Spurs in the 1st quarter. This is the most boring team on earth.

- Jacque Vaughn, how did you end up on a team I hate. I remember being amazed by you at Kansas, and then amazed that you didn't make it as an NBA player.

- Pat Burke isn't really a very good rebounder. Let that one just go over his head. He's really more of a perimeter big man. In a small-ball lineup, he isn't a good big.

- Wow, 4 small guards and Shawn Marion for the Suns. Wow. Wow. Wow.

- Is there any way this isn't a more successful strategy than throwing in a token big man? I mean, I was never afraid of Golden State as a Mavs fan when Biedrans was on the floor. Nowitzki could guard that guy, and the Mavs know how to attack a team with a big. There are only 3 teams in the NBA that can play an entire game at an elite level with 1 or 0 'bigs' (players about 6 10). The Warriors, the Suns, and the Bulls. Of these three teams, only the now-departed Warriors used this ability to disrupt their opponents. The Bulls and Suns should periodically switch to these 6-7, 6-8 lineups just to throw their opponents off-kilter. With swing guys like Marion, Deng and Noccioni who can rebound despite their small size, these teams could discombobulate opponents. That's what the Suns did last year to the Clippers and Mavs (to good effect), that's what the Warriors did this year with mixed results. The Jazz were surprisingly resistant to this strategy. Maybe because Fisher and Williams are a pretty small and quick backcourt, and Kirilenko is such a defensive chameleon.

- 7 minutes left in the 2nd. The Spurs have just 19 points. Against a team missing their two best post players, and having the best power forward in the history of the NBA. This team is a crime against basketball.

- James Jones...good job.

- That was a bad call. But I was thinking about it, and one of these teams employs Bruce Bowen, and the other one doesn't. Considering Bruce Bowen is the basketball equivalent of poison ivy, I think the Spurs are lucky the refs don't break out the tasers.

- After a month of NBA playoffs on TNT I've definitely become aware of 1 thing. I really, really, want to buy a Hyundai. I'm totally serious, those commercials are working.

- And I don't ever want to see that ****ing 'fathead' poster commercial again. "Think fast!"

- They are interviewing Colangelo (Suns CEO) about the suspensions. Marv Albert is now 'justifying' the NBA's asinine decision to suspend Diaw and Stoudamire.

- Matt Bonner is in the game. Because apparently what this game needed was a red head who can't play to liven things up. Have I mentioned that the Spurs are awful on offense against a team famous for their lack of defense and missing their two best post players.

- So see the post players are the ones that are supposed to help the most on defense.

- The point is that the Spurs should be doing better on offense...but they are doing worse.

It is because they absolutely suck.

(24 points with just 3 minutes left in the first half)

-Kurt Thomas looks exhausted. The Spurs always seem to go on a little run to finish quarters. I really hate that.

- C'mon Suns, put something together here.

- Steve Nash.

- Let's see, Nash beat Duncan to the spot. Nash wasn't moving. Nash was outside the restricted area. Duncan initiated the contact. Nash gets the foul. Yeah, that's about right for the biggest group of whiners in the league. I can remember when Kobe and Derek Fisher were the best in the world at this.

- Shawn ****ing Marion.

- I went fishing tonight. Caught 8 fish. 1 got hooked in the gills, and I just realized that I got blood on my shirt. I thought I had gotten a nose-bleed. Kinda gross.

- Of course Manu does that.

- Pretty good finish for the Suns. They didn't give anything up. Of course, the Spurs managed to score just 33 points in the first half. Have I referred to the Spurs as a crime against basketball yet? I mean, the Nets and Cavs combined for 4 field goals in the 4th quarter of their last game, and they both looked like smooth operators in comparison to this Spurs team in the first half.

- Barkley just said that the Spurs seem to be bothered by the fact that the Suns got screwed. I could see this, this definitely look like the typically dirty Spurs team I've grown to loathe over the past few years. Is it possible somewhere in that fount of evil and poor sportsmanship is a soul? A soul that actually gives a shit about the rest of the NBA and basketball fans everywhere? Is that possible?

- Oh wait, they do employ Bruce Bowen. I guess not.

- Love that McDonald's commercial: "Dad's making dinner."
Lovely, crappy, reheated food filled with fat, cholesterol, salt and sugar is being sent all over the world and representing the U.S.A. Fantastic. "Dad's making dinner..." and we're all gonna die.

- Here is a website with a microsimulation of road traffic. Those of you who wonder whether the correct strategy is to get over late when the road goes from 2 lanes to 1 lane need to play around with this thing and then apologize. You bastards.

- This is why you should be a vegetarian (or at least an almost vegetarian).

- Ok, I'm done with this, I'm going to just watch the game for the second half. I hope this goes this way the rest of the game.

Career Crossroads

The wife and I were discussing the future today. Having a child makes me want to plan out a little further ahead than the next ten days or even the next ten months. We've talked, and we're thinking we want to be in one place from K-12 (and then for the love of monkeys, we're moving somewhere).

Where I'm at now doesn't have long-term security. I can probably maintain my position here for as long as I can write myself grants to pay my salary. That might be a long time, that might be just the length of the original appointment.

(random note here...I love the the "Wise LeBron" commercials)

So clearly I need to be investigating longer lasting positions. Everyone is always at a potential crossroads. You can always decide to quit and do something new. Or you can always decide to move. There are always options.

Having said that, the combination of Alton's birth and being sick of working with a jerk is really forcing my hand.

I figure there are 3 options available to me, and the possibility of a fourth.

Option 1: The Research Track.
Right now I'm sorta on this path. I have a dozen publications. I have about 4 more on the way in the near future, and I have a half dozen more with various collaborators. The idea here is to try hard to make some of these publications really good ones, to finish this NSF grant and get it submitted, and to crank out another 5-6 papers this year (possible).
In a perfect world, the NSF grant would be successful, I'd be very competitive for a top tier research position (probably at an academic institution, but who the hell knows). This would result in my working my tail off for years in order to build the kind of CV that my advisers would be thrilled to see representing their labs.
More likely, I'd continue to be haunted by mixed success. Several papers, but none of them really that good, and I'd do some kind of middle-of-the-road job that is good but not great.
On the downside, I might totally run out of ideas, suffer a mental break, etc. That's entirely possible.

(another random note: I LOVE the spell checker in Firefox)


Option 2: Education/Outreach
While a slightly less popular option around the research community, this is still pretty respectable. Looking hard for a job at a primarily teaching institute (liberal arts college?), doing a little research on the side, mostly just teaching a handful of classes each year and taking the summers relatively easy (just doing research then).
This has all sorts of possibilities, depending on the institution and the situation. I'm not sure what the best case scenario is here, but it is probably teaching 1-2 classes a semester, and doing collaborative research with friends at bigger institutions in the summer. That actually sounds pretty good.
The down end of this is probably getting into a situation where I teach 3 classes a semester and never have any time to think about research in an institution that doesn't have it.

(Another Random Note: The 4th quarter of this Nets-Cavs game has seven minutes remaining and neither team has made a field goal. As Dick Stockton just said: That's amazing.)

Option 3: "Practical" Ecology
Maybe this should be called "out of academia". This is the option where I go for a government job or a job with someone like the Nature Conservancy. The idea here is that those kinds of organizations should have good scientists involved. Environmental policy, advocacy, etc. I don't really know where this goes, or where it leads. The pay seems good though, and it doesn't seem to require nearly the time commitment that the academic track options have, so maybe I could actually start learning things that don't relate to science (hablas espanol?).

These are the options I'm really considering. I guess there are lots of other options too (go to law school, Barnes and Noble, restaurant). I'm not necessarily ruling those things out, I just think right now Options 1-3 are more plausible (and require no loss of 'pride').

(another random note: The NBA suspended 2 Suns players. This is the worst possible decisions the NBA could have made. To be clear, the NBA is now enforcing the rules inconsistently, because Bruce Bowen, Baron Davis, and Jason Richardson have all hit people, sometimes in the groin, in these playoffs. None have those players were suspended. Boris Diaw and Amare Stoudamire got up off the bench when the most important player on their team was hip-checked into a table, never got close to the players on the court, and were suspended for a critical game 5 in the playoffs. Great. The NBA sucks.)

So I'm not sure which way I'm going to end up going here.

Tonight I went fishing.

8 fish in half an hour. Only 1 that was bigger than a foot in length though.

Sleep aids

I keep seeing these commercials on TV for “sleep aids”. One of the features is that they do not cause dependency.

I can’t even imagine why this would be an issue.

As someone who has had such severe bouts of insomnia that I couldn’t sleep for weeks, I can assure you, I’d prefer dependency. When you aren’t sleeping the world isn’t real. The exhaustion is a ubiquitous, the sun looks funny, and you will frequently forget what you are doing.

If a drug solves that problem, well, dependency isn’t so much of a problem.

Maybe that’s just me.

Random Insult to Nobody in Particular

Every time I see you I lose a little more faith in a beneficial god and the fundamental goodness of humankind.

Basically, you're ugly.

Don't think that I'm just commenting on your pasty, waxen, fake-looking skin or your greasy, prematurely graying hair. No, your ugliness goes much further than skin deep. Somewhere inside the core of your very being is a soul that most resembles the fossilized feces of an ancient lizard. A soul that sees all that is bright and beautiful in the world and thinks nothing of staining that aesthetic glory with your own putrid ugliness.

As an addendum, you're stupid.

I, and everyone else in the world, wishes we could explain away this stupidity as ignorance or poor education or just plain mental handicap. But we can't. Your brain, trapped in your ugly, fat head, is undamaged and appears to function normally. That doesn't mean you actually use that brain to think. Most humans would, just by default, attempt to solve problems by thinking up solutions, as opposed to trying to do the same thing over and over again with the hope that next time it will work and all your problems will be solved and maybe, just maybe, people will like you. You make the civic leaders of Boston seem like reasonable and intelligent people.

Children cry when they see you. Dogs bark. Cats hiss and run away.

But hey, vultures seem to find you fine company.

Here's some free advice: Don't ever leave the house and try not to talk to people. I, and the rest of the known universe, will be much happier.

Random thoughts

I'm a little too tired to think effectively. I'm trying to get stuff done and make progress, but right now all I can think about is going back to bed.

I have a lot of acid-washing to do.

But the thing is, if I don't get it done now, it will just get worse.

And by the way, it is a beautiful day here. Sunny, warm, slight bit of breeze. Makes me want to shoot hoops or just sit outside and read.

The Golden State game last night was lame. I was happy about the result, but bored with the fact that the game wasn't even close. Oh the other hand, when Baron Davis dunked over Kirilenko I yelled out loud. That was one of the most impressive dunks I have ever seen. Just, wow.

Iodine kills Daphnia eating poor quality food more than it kills daphnia eating high quality food. Now I'm looking at growth rate. Growth rate involves staring through a microscope for 2-3 hours. That is just astoundingly annoying. I better get some interesting results.

I have songs playing in my head that I've never heard. That makes it sound weird, but what I mean is that I keep hearing the lyrics to “Don't Ask Me” by Ok Go being performed by KISS. Ok, that still sounds pretty weird. I swear I haven't been taking drugs, but I am starting to wonder if I'm getting enough sleep.

In other news...ok, there is no other news. I'm just drained and avoiding going back to the acid bath.

Chuck

First, I still don’t have internet in the house, and I’ve been really busy. However, I’m going to try to transfer some of the stuff I’ve been writing at home to this website because it keeps piling up and I like to make people read my writing. Lucky you.

Now, several months ago I promised everyone a review of Chuck Klosterman’s book “Killing Yourself to Live.” Here we go:

Chuck Klosterman isn’t a modern day Jack Kerouac, he isn’t even close to Hemmingway, and I wouldn’t even consider comparing him to James Joyce except in the most distant and obtuse way. I’m sure the ivory tower of academic elitists who decide who sits in the pantheon of ‘great writers’ of the English language will look at Klosterman and snicker. Guys like Harold Bloom no doubt think that Chuck is an idiot.

They are totally wrong.

Chuck Klosterman is a zen master of non-fiction. His writing (at least in this book) takes place completely within his culture and mindset. That isn’t to say that Chuck doesn’t draw upon influences from other periods or cultures, but he doesn’t really seem to think about them. For a book about a bunch of rock stars who died young, this is remarkable.

If asked, I’d describe this book as comedic, nostalgic, and tragic, but always immersed in the now. Klosterman weaves his personal relationships with women into a narrative that you could be fooled into thinking had something to do with rock music. I’m not saying Klosterman is David Sedaris crossed with Dave Barry, but that isn’t as far off as you might think.

The bottom line is that I only know of a handful of living authors who don’t suck, Klosterman falls into that category.

Random annoyance

Of course, police intimidation. You know why this happens, it's because our leaders do this. GWB is constantly acting as if there is no accountability, and everyone else in society falls in behind.

Color blindness, infinite recursion, and the total destructions of...nevermind

Things I've been thinking about:

- I use the word color-blindness to describe my eyesight a lot of the time. That's because that's the word that was used to describe it to me, however, I'm not actually color blind. I just can't distinguish colors very well. This guy has put together a post describing, pretty amazingly well, exactly how this kind of color-blindness actually affects vision. I think you can assume everything he is saying with regards to his vision is pretty much exactly the same as me. So if you were wondering.

- Anytime I bitch and moan about my job situation, or anytime I did about my graduate school situation, then there are inevitably people who come out of the woodwork to tell me: "Yeah, every job is like that." Or "That's just how it is." Or "You'll get that anywhere."
I'm constantly amazed that people tell me this. I mean, if that's true, then the world isn't worth saving. If the density of complete and total jackasses is so high that practically everyone knows someone at their job who is such a jackass that people from that job go home every night and feel miserable about their lives, then there's no point in caring!
I don't want to make the world a better place for people if that's what people are.
Why would I?

- The Mavs: Lost in the first round. Only the second time in the last, what, 8 years that's happened. This isn't like the Finals last year, when the officials clearly were incapable of making a good call. For the most part this series was called pretty fairly, but that might be just because there weren't any real close games. At this point I don't know if I can watch anymore NBA. That first round was exhausting.

- Ever thought about how many objects you can keep track of at one time? This is an interesting article about a study where they did just that. For the record, I could keep track of 4 at a time...I'd like to see where I top out at (4 was not difficult).

- Ha. Did anyone hear about Digg's users basically revolting? Couple of interesting stories here and here.

- Alright, I gotta get back to the research. I haven't had time to think this week, and of course we still don't have an internet connection in the house. Yay.

Open Revelation

I'm not sure if anyone is aware of this, but Microsoft Office is a joke.

You should never, under any circumstance (aside from being employed by Microsoft) purchase Microsoft Office.

Microsoft Office costs $150 bucks at Best Buy.

Open Office isn't sold by Best Buy. Why?

Because it's free.

"Sure," you're probably saying, "But it probably sucks. You get what you pay for, right?"

Not really. I've heard about Open Office for awhile, but I figured, why bother?

I'm not sure I have an answer for that. If your company is buying Microsoft office for you anyway, there's probably no reason to go download Open Office.

If you're thinking about getting a setup at home, you can't go wrong with Open Office. As far as I can tell, every document, spreadsheet, and presentation that you create with Microsoft Office can be opened with Open Office. A few embedded figures in one of my presentations was a little different looking (the background changed), but every document and spreadsheet seems to work perfectly in both programs.

I'll be honest, I don't really understand how the whole 'open source' stuff gets put together. However, I'm starting to like the products a lot. FireFox, Foxit, and now Open Office are all high-quality products that do everything their more costly (or more buggy) industry-made counterparts can do, only more, and free.

I'm looking to buy a new computer in the near future. I'm hearing a constant barrage of horrible things about Microsoft Vista. I'm probably going to end up buying a system from a company like this and run my machine with Ubuntu.

Anyone have any ideas about this? I mean, I really don't know much about computers, I'm just increasingly astonished at the quality of these open source products.

And at the same time...

My life certainly doesn' t suck.

Just a few weeks ago I hit the top, the most amazing moment in my life. I saw my son on the sonogram at the hospital.

Seriously. That was amazing. Beyond amazing really. I wasn't expecting much. I certainly wasn't expecting to just about explode with joy and giddiness. I mean, he's real. He's right there. And his hand is resting on his chin as if he's thinking about something.

Really no way to put that into words, and I certainly didn't expect the need to, but hey, having a kid is really astounding.


Plus this Ok Go song is really great.

The Crux of my Desire

Ever since I left Winfield I've had kind of a hard time being happy. What follows is basically me thinking aloud.

crux (krks, krks)

n. pl. crux·es or cru·ces (krsz)

1. The basic, central, or critical point or feature: the crux of the matter; the crux of an argument.

2. A puzzling or apparently insoluble problem.

In this case, the crux of my desire is merely finding that which I desire.

What do I desire?

I was once, even as recently as 6 months ago, driven entirely by the twin desires of being happy on a personal level and doing useful science.

Have fun, think hard, solve interesting problems.

Right now, I'm not so sure. These days, I'm not sure what is driving me, but having a child is throwing this whole thing out of wack. I've got new desires. Little Alton is going to need things. Not the same way I need a beer after a long day, but real, genuine need.

And between my wife and I, we've got to figure out a way to give it to him.

Suddenly I desire money. Like, a lot of it, relatively speaking, or at least a constant supply of it.

Shit.

I left graduate school too early for this desire. I intentionally took a job working on stuff I'd never worked on before. That was so that I could re-invent myself into working on questions I actually found interesting. I was really, really sick of working on DOM dynamics.

That's fine, and that works out great if I can afford to slum it for a few years while figuring out and publishing a series of projects that establishes my credentials in this new area.

Unfortunately, we can't keep slumming it. Our expenses are going up, way up. Health care costs alone are going to break us if we don't get more income. I mean, we can live really cheap. We worked it out last month, and our combined rent, car (gas and insurance), student loan payments, all our utilities and all our groceries is less than 50% of my income after taxes.

Yet we still found ourselves confined to our house, eating through everything in our freezer and going without bread and milk for the last six days of the month in order to preserve our budget.
Why? Because we have to spend a ton of money on medical expenses, we eat out too much, we go places, and we just generally don't stick to a budget very well.

So here I am, looking around for another job, one that will be pretty much guaranteed for the next 4-5 years. And what am I supposed to look for? I'm already slipping out of the DOM game. I'm not yet up to speed in toxistoichiometry, and I don't know a fricking thing about fish (which seems to be the job of choice right now).

I'm looking at teaching positions, but seriously who thinks I can teach? Let's see some hands. Oh wait, I'm not seeing any hands. I mean, sure, my CV looks like I should know something about teaching, but I really don't. I'm not bad at it, but I'm not really good at it. The most I can honestly say is that I put a lot of effort into it (I can't even put into words how much work I've done on this invasion biology class). I like outreach activities, but again, the best I can say is that I put a lot of effort into it.

Apparently this is what having a kid will do to you. I have no desires anymore that do not revolve around securing a relatively stable situation for my kid. Science? Really? Science? I'm supposed to still care about frickin' science?

I'm torn apart right now. I do not know what I'm supposed to do, or how.

The Mavs

Ok, see, I'm somewhat torn.

I love the way the Warriors play basketball.

But I love the Mavs.

Ok, now let me just get some things off my chest:
Jason Terry is a terrible player. He's miserable. He can't figure out how to pass the ball. And I know that Dirk isn't playing well, but can the team at least try to pass him the ball?
And I know Dirk isn't playing well, but c'mon. He's still averaging a double double, playing the best defense of his life, and he just can't guard 3's.
Stackhouse did his best impression of himself from 6 years ago.
This is the entire list of players have have been playing well for the Mavs: Howard, Diop.
This Golden State Warriors team plays exactly the way basketball should be played. I love, love their style.
I hate this series.

For the record, unfortunately, I knew this was coming. The series isn't over, but I don't even want to watch anymore.

Where have I been?

Like the fist of an angry god (I like to think Thor), the fierce Oklahoma weather struck down my ability to interact with the world three days ago.

That's right, lightning strike took down our internet connection.

Right now we're limping along on connections in the library and the office, but dang, I hate not having the use of the internet for recreation.

HELLO! We don't have a TV!

Ok, I'm being told that yes, we do have a TV. Apparently its that thing I use to play video games. Wait...really?

Ok, yes. That's a TV. I thought it was an arcade.

Hmm.

See without the internet I can't think. I know, kinda weird.

SO ANYWAY!

Stuff:
- Plaster casting. Ant hills. Scientists. I hope you know where this is going. And need I point out that there are pictures!

- Fark.com. Let me just inform those of you who still visit that sight: IT SUCKS! Not only does the the new site design look awful, but apparently anything you post in a fark comment is copyrighted to Fark (including pics).
Seriously people. There are better link aggregating sites out there. Like, for instance, reddit.com.

- I'm drinking a lambic beer brewed in St. Louis and infused with strawberries. I'll admit, I thought I hated lambics, but this one is pretty good. Plus, we've spent all the money in our budget for this month, and we have no other alcohol in the house except Guiness. Frankly, I don't know if I can handle a Guiness right now.

- All kinds of research spinning up. Toxicity testing with snails and daphnia, snail egg viability, toxistoichiometry with pesticides and pharmaceuticals, and more stupid fish LC50s. Groan. Nevertheless, progress being made. I'm basically just doing whatever I want now.
I'm going to write an NSF proposal. I know, that's bold, and damn near insane. I mean, the odds of me being successful are essentially nil. The effort will be enormous. Plus, I don't really have a great idea that doesn't involve toxicology (which NSF won't fund).
Nevertheless, I need to take a shot at some big-time grants, mostly for my own sanity. I've spent a ton of effort this year writing grants that didn't end up even getting submitted. That's frustrating.

- The NBA- God Orlando is awful. Kirk Hinrich is the best defender in the league under 6-5. Steve Nash is the most important player in the league. The Spurs are in real trouble (although they'll probably make it out fine). The Mavs are in quasi-trouble, only because people will continue to ask why Dirk doesn't put up ridiculous numbers. The Bulls look really good, I can't see them not making the Finals. There's no way the Pistons can beat them, there's no way the Cavs can beat them. Jersey, on the other hand, might be able to beat them (weirdly enough).

- And in case anyone missed it: The universe is a little less empty now. We have, officially, found another planet, outside our solar system, that falls within the habitable zone. That's right, the possibility exists that this planet could support life.
Humanity: You have a goal.

This weekend

“The Wife” and I like to go somewhere at least once every three weeks. Last weekend was 3 weeks, and so we went back to my hometown. This could be considered a ‘boring’ getaway, since we’re just going places we’ve been before, but we needed to get the title for our car, and we needed to not spend a lot of money (our budget is tight).

We ended up having a blast. We took my mom out for her late birthday dinner at a really neat Mediterranean restaurant, I got to watch a couple of NBA games, and we got to see some of our friends.

In particular, we got to see my long-time buddy MH’s new baby girl. Well. Well. I’m just glad we’ve still got a few months to adjust to the idea of being parents. My wife seems to be easing into the idea, while I am less comfortable now than I was before. This baby is almost a month old, and she’s just a few ounces larger than I was when I was born. Oh my god...I feel so sorry for my wife. We both hoping this baby turns out to be a lot smaller.

Other stuff:

- My first-round NBA predictions (I wrote these up Friday night): Pistons, Cleveland, Bulls, Jersey in the East and Suns, Spurs, Rockets, and Mavs in the West. (Note: The Mavs are going to definitely be tested against the Warriors. I don’t understand the many commentators who think that the regular season doesn’t matter: The Warriors are still coached by a guy who gives the Mavs fits. The Bulls are a much better team than the Heat, only poor officiating can save the Heat.)

- I doubt anyone else is paying attention to this, but a few months ago Penny Arcade started challenging the video game industry to ping-pong matches. They won the first one, and, apparently inspired by this, announced the throw-down publicly. Uh, big mistake. As far as I can tell the PA guys have gotten shellacked in every match since that first one. This latest one is particularly hilarious.

- I had a hard time figuring out whether or not the Onion had started covering real news when I read this.

- Wind. Seriously, wind. We drove back yesterday against a strong, constant, driving wind. The kind of wind that blows down small trees. The kind of wind that rips grass out of the ground. The kind of wind that seriously reduced my gas mileage. And on Earth Day no less. I should have driven north! Or just skipped work today. Seriously though, if you’ve never lived out here on the plains, you cannot believe how freaking windy it can be (well, I’m sure it is worse or just as bad on the ocean).

- Also, does anyone know what’s going on with honeybees?

A looong NBA post

- This has been a pretty lame NBA season. Does anyone else feel like we’ve had to endure 8 months of teams intentionally losing games? The NBA needs to get rid of the ping-pong balls and just randomly pick the order for the lottery. I’m serious, if I ever have to see teams blatantly tanking for 3 straight months like the Celtics, Bucks and Grizzlies did, I’m going to quit being a fan. Most people think the Celtics and Bucks were the most blatant (did you realize that the Celtics once benched their starters for an entire 4^th quarter while the opposing team overcame an 18 point deficit and ended up winning the game?), but the Grizzlies were worse. The management used the horrible start caused by Pau’s injury to force out the Czar, traded away the best swing player on the team (Shane Battier) for a guy who hadn’t been very good his first time in Memphis (Stromile Swift), and then had the head of the scouting department take over as head coach.

The Celtics have no excuse, and I will never wish them anything but losing seasons in the future. What they did this year was atrocious. There are only 3 teams in the East with a better top 2 talent-wise than the Celtics’ Pierce-Jefferson (Miami, Pistons, and Cavs), how in the HELL did this team finish dead-last in the conference? This is now, officially, the scummiest team in the NBA. I can’t wait to see Kevin Durant fail miserably with this group.

- The MVP: The formula for NBA MVP goes like this à Team success x exceeding expectations x Individual talent. I know there are a lot of commentators handing the award to Dirk (and he’s played remarkable this year), but frankly, I can’t give it to anyone but....Tim Duncan. Not only did Duncan put in a 20 and 10 (again), but he also added over 2 blocks a game and is single-handily responsible for getting Joey Crawford thrown out of the league indefinitely.

- If you have anyone other than Kevin Martin down for “Most Improved” then you need to think seriously about what kind of fan you are.

- Defensive Player of the Year? Guys like Camby and Marion are stat hounds in this department. Josh Howard has the added bonus of actually playing on a team with a good defense. To be honest I’ve got a tie. Tim Duncan and Shane Battier have both been fantastic for good defensive teams.

- Most exciting young player: Well, Al Jefferson has certainly made strides late in the season, but it is hard to get excited about a guy who leads his team to less than 30 wins (and they were terrible when Pierce was in the lineup too). Dwight Howard is clearly a long ways from being a true force in the league. A.I. Part Duex in Philly is pretty impressive, but he’s been around awhile (relatively speaking). I gotta go with Brandon Roy (who is the Rookie of the Year as well). This guy could get really good. And he cares, so that’s a nice bonus.

- In the West I predicted the 5 of 8 teams in the playoffs correctly. I also had the Spurs winning it all. I’m still convinced.

-Time for me to look back at the beginning of the NBA season and try to figure out why I was such an idiot with my predictions. I only did team-by-team projections for the Eastern Conference, but I’d like to start by pointing out that I got 7 of 8 playoff teams correct (I had the Raptors wrong). Oh yeah.

Philadelphia 76ers

My prediction: 30 wins.

Reality: 35 wins

Why was I wrong? The East was a lot worse than I thought.

Orlando Magic

My prediction: Around 45 wins.

Reality: 40 wins

Why was I wrong? Was I really wrong? Ok, I guess I expected Ariza to stay healthy, Reddit to occasionally play, and Coach Hill to actually play his best players (does anyone realize Tony Battie started 69 games?).

Boston Celtics

Last year: 33-49

My prediction: 40 wins

Reality: 24 wins

Why was I wrong? Well, frankly, I thought this team would try to win games. There’s no excuse for this season. They’ve got good players, they didn’t have much in the way of injury, and they played in the worst conference and division ever.

Toronto Raptors

Last year: 27-55

My prediction: 25 wins?

Reality: 47 wins

Why was I wrong? As I wrote “Sam Mitchell is one of, if not the, worst coach in the NBA.” In other words...I’m an idiot.

Charlotte Bobcats

Last year: 26-56

My prediction: 35 wins

Reality: 33 wins

Why I was wrong? Actually, I don’t think I was. I said the downside was the coach, but in reality it appears the downside is Morrison, who was officially emasculated by Walter Hermann over the last few weeks.

Atlanta Hawks

Last year: 26-56

My prediction: 26 wins

Reality: 30 wins

Why was I wrong? Again, this was within my margin of error. However I did write this: “And hey, looks like they picked up a starting caliber point guard in Speedy Claxton.” Uh...let’s move on to the:

New York Knicks

Last year: 23-59

My prediction: 35 wins

Reality: 33 wins

Why was I wrong? Apparently I’m not an idiot. I did write: “I think Nate Robinson totally sucks.” I think that means I was right about 2 things here.

The Detroit Pistons.

Last year: 64-18, fourth straight appearance in the Eastern Conference Finals.

My prediction: They’re going downhill, maybe 50-55 wins.

Reality: 52 wins

Why was I wrong? Well again, not wrong on this. I said losing Ben was big, and if Chris Webber hadn’t stolen 40 million dollars from the 76ers and then come to the rescue...well...that would have been worse.

Miami Heat.

Last year: 52-30, NBA champs

My prediction: 52 wins.

Reality: 44 wins.

Why was I wrong? Wade got hurt and Shaq got hurt. If one of these guys had been healthy all year they would have gotten 8 more wins (they lost to the Bobcats!!).

New Jersey:

Last year: 49-33. Lost in 5 to Heat.

My prediction: 45 wins.

Reality: 40 wins

Why was I wrong? Nenad Kristic and Richard Jefferson were barely around this year. I wrote: “This team was all smoke and mirrors last year, which makes me think they’ve got a fantastic coach, but that only works for so long.” This team is EVEN MORE smoke and mirrors.

Cleveland

Last year: 50-32

My prediction: 50 wins.

Reality: 50 wins

Why was I right? Because LeBron didn’t care half the year and the Eastern Conference sucked.

Washington.

Last year: 42-40.

My prediction: 42-40.

Reality: 40 wins

Why was I wrong? I think I was right actually (2 wins off?). I should have been wrong, but Caron Butler was injured too much.

Indiana.

Last year: 41-41

My prediction: 35 wins

Reality: 35 wins

Why was I right? Because this is one of the worst-run organizations in the league, that’s why. They hold onto crazy people (Stephen Jackson, Ron Artest), they sign guys and trade them away before they’ve had a chance to do anything (Al Harrington), and they willingly took on 2/5ths of a Golden State Warriors team that spent the last three years playing horrible.

Chicago.

Last year: 41-41.

My prediction: 45 wins.

Reality: 49 wins (as of this writing)

Why was I wrong? Well, Ben Gorden cut back on his atrocious shot selection, Tyrus Thomas doesn’t suck, and Ben Wallace is better than Tyson Chandler was last year. Of course, if they’d held onto Chandler...well...they’d be a force.

Milwaukee.

Last year: 40-42

My prediction: 38 wins.

Reality: 28 wins

Why was I wrong? Oh, could it be because the Bucks have been tanking for 2 months? Or maybe it’s because they traded for a guy who’s always injured? Or because Bogut’s soft? Or because Michael Redd is comically overpaid?

Some things I learned today

I spent my day instructing, teaching, entertaining, and educating (in no particular order) a bunch of 7^th and 8^th grade students. I figured, naively that this would be about like providing content for 9^th graders.

That’s just not true.
Here’s why, I think: 9^th graders are constantly exposed to people (Sophs, Juniors, and Seniors) who are more mature than they are. As a result, their behavior tends to become more mature than their physical age alone would suggest.

8^th graders, by contrast, are constantly surrounded by people (6^th and 7^th graders) who are far less mature. As a result, they act far less mature.

I’m sure it’s more complicated than that, but you get the idea.

Here are some ways that this manifests itself:

1. They never shut up.

2. They do not respect their peers...at all.

3. They don’t care.

4. Even the smart ones.

5. They never shut up.

6. They just want to get done and go ‘play.’

I find that last one to be kind of a cute concept. Does anyone really remember how to play? Jeez, I had forgotten. I can’t imagine being that carefree. There was just a constant barrage of screaming and yelling going on for hours this evening.

Here are some handy tips if you end up needing to create content for a group of middle school students:

1. However much you think you need to have ready: Double it. I figured I’d push 7-8 hours of content easy with what I had prepared, based on what had happened with a group of 9^th graders. No way, I ended up filling about 4.5 hours! Ug. I felt terrible. We ended up spending the rest of the time fossil hunting, which was fun, so I guess it worked out.

2. Remember all those points in your talk where you ask questions? Yeah, that’s not going to work. You need to ask specific people questions. I can’t tell you how many questions I asked today that were greeted by absolute silence. I should have been pointing to individuals and asking them questions.

3. Tell them to shut up. Apparently they always hear “be quiet” or “stop talking”. Telling them to shut up worked pretty well.

4. These guys have the attention span of...well, 7-8^th graders. That means any concept has to be explained in a 5-second burst. You might be able to string together several such bursts, but then again, you might not. Come to think of this, I’ve had this problem with many adults as well.

5. Try not to scream or laugh incredulously when nobody remembers what you said two seconds earlier.

6. Do you remember what you thought was cool in middle school? You do? Good. None of that will be remotely interesting to these kids. So just accept that.

7. Apparently the idea of herding cats could also be applied to middle school kids. I would have gone insane if I’d had to keep track of these guys, but the teachers here just sorta allowed the swarm to move. When I was in middle school, if you’d given us this much freedom, we’d have trashed the Dwight Eisenhower Memorial and gotten our middle school banned from ever returning. Oh wait. That’s exactly what happened. Apparently my wife’s dad (who lead this group) commands much more respect from his charges.