Oh thank goodness

Apparently our fears about the spread of non-indigenous species have
finally been resolved:

--
The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service is implementing the Captive
Wildlife Safety Act (CWSA) in a new subpart K of part 14, Importation,
Exportation, and Transportation of Wildlife, in Title 50 of the Code
of Federal Regulations. The CWSA amends the Lacey Act by making it
illegal to import, export, transport, sell, receive, acquire, or
purchase, in interstate or foreign commerce, live lions, tigers,
leopards, snow leopards, clouded leopards, cheetahs, jaguars, or
cougars, or any hybrid combination of any of these species, unless
certain exceptions are met. 72 FR 45938 (August 16, 2007).
--

That's right...no more interstate trade in snow leopards. Finally our
long national nightmare is over.

Bugs Bugs EVERYWHERE!!!

So I left a bragging, boastful, annoying voice message from my friend
K today. Basically, I can sum it up like this:

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I get to go look for snakes
today. I hope you enjoy hanging out in the office!"
*click*

I'll be completely honest here though: My day was kinda brutal. It
was 103 degrees out, I was down in an old streambed most of the way
(read: no wind), and I've found 8 ticks on myself since I crawled out
of that streambed. I also came a lot closer than I'd like to getting
heat-exhausted, and I think I STOPPED sweating. I could barely stand
up long enough to order food and get it in the KFC I stopped by
afterwards, and I felt so much better afterwards that I could barely
believe it.

So going out and looking for snakes (and snake habitat) is fun, but it
is also kinda brutal.

Other stuff:

- We broke the lease on the flea house. And now I have to stop
talking about it or I'll get extremely angry. Seriously.

- I watched a show on Food Network last night where they rated the
best restaurants/food in the country (some magazine sponsored, but
hosted by AB). They had a category for ribs.
The winner was a restaurant in Illinois.
And the credibility of the magazine goes out the window.

- We're going to look for houses again this week. For the record, I
hate the world. On the other hand, we're going to buy a house, it is
going to be great, and we're going to convert the entire yard to
natives. I'm done playing around.

- Did I mention we bought a car?

Inside Jokes

Life is all about collecting "inside jokes" that you can refer to with specific friends.

For example, a fairly obvious one is the predilection a certain friend of mine has for ketamine.

Also, a few people might catch this reference: The oceans are salty (HI-larious).

Anyway, I just wanted to mention that we bought a car. Honda Civic LX. I'm having a hard time realizing it is STILL in the garage and it isn't just a rental.

Meeting

A room full of white guys and 3 women are making decisions about how
our wetlands and streams will be preserved.

Button up shirts, slacks, collars, close-cut hair, trimmed beards.

"We should just pass a wetlands law."

There's a lot of people just trying to figure out who is in charge of what.

"Let's organize a meeting to figure out what a wetland is."

I am through the looking glass.

Oh...really...

Here's a new experience some of you might not have had yet.

Naming a beneficiary for your life insurance policy.

I imagine anyone with kids has done this. I imagine most people
without kids haven't.

I haven't. Or rather, I hadn't until now.

I don't actually have a child yet, of course, but I will within weeks,
and if I am smote down while fighting the real-world equivalent of
Lord Voldemort, I'd hope that my lightning-scarred child wouldn't need
to beg hand-me-downs from the equivalent of the Weasleys (bless their
souls).

Eventually this lead to wife and I talking about the terrible
possibility that we could BOTH be struck down whilst defying
Voldemort's real-world equivalent. Who would we want to raise our
child?

Certainly not my estranged sister who openly loathes me. Which is
good, because I don't have an estranged sister who openly loathes me.

I do think that, generally speaking, family is better than not-family
(mostly because holidays would be a mess!). And so we talked about
our siblings. We talked about our friends.

This was definitely the weirdest conversation I'd ever had.

I hope the real-world equivalent of Lord Voldemort remains, as he has
been to this point, to terrified of me to reveal himself.

Stupid rental

List of problems with the house

1. Back door will not close/lock.
2. Electrical outlets in kitchen are not safe.
3. Toilet sinking into floor of bathroom.
4. Abundant mold in bathroom.
5. Fleas abundant in all rooms of house.
6. Door to hell in 2nd bedroom.

Itchy...but painful looking

My leg looks bad. Real bad. Really really bad.

Ok, not quite that bad actually, but every time I show my leg to people they gasp.

I've got a case of poison ivy.

I'm shocked. I thought I was immune. I've had poison ivy once before in my life, and it was bad, but I thought it was because I'd been exposed to poison sumac (which is rarer, but apparently worse). I've gotten poison ivy on myself so often since then, without any ill effects, that I just assumed I was not really at risk.

So this comes as a surprise.

Last night, in my sister's living room while watching Harry Potter 3 on DVD, I gave in. I started scratching...like crazy. It felt good. Really good. But by the time I had gotten control of myself again I was bleeding all over the place. I haven't scratched today, but I can feel it building up.

Other news:

- I know I'm a weirdo, but I love the heat. This 105 degree heat wave that has been baking Kansas has been great. I do find it a little awkward, because I sweat like nobody's business, but I love being out in the heat. I love feeling that righteous exhaustion at the end of the day that comes from having tramped through 30 thousand feet of stream, underbrush, rocks and prairie in a hundred degrees of heat. The fact that I get to see snakes, turtles, fish, 80 foot tall trees, and limestone caves is great, but it is best on a miserably hot summer day. I look forward to enjoying it in the fall, though, and in the early spring, but damn. I love the heat of the summer.

- Actually, I was going to write more, but I gotta go put on some anti-itch medicine.

Wow.

Let's see, I can't stop reading Harry Potter, I have the entire collection of Alton Brown DVDs, I'll probably own a Honda Civic in a week, and yet...

and yet I find myself totally in awe of Amy Winehouse.

Seriously. This girl is old-school. I think Kieth Richard's is looking at that and thinking: She needs to get some help.

The girl was mixing heroin and HORSE TRANQUILIZERS. I weigh twice what she does and I get a little woozy after 2 beers.

From the Western Plains

The list of ways in which my new job is an improvement over my old job
is substantial:

1. Don't have to work with a jackass (at least, none have revealed
themselves yet).
2. Get to go out in the field and look for snakes, fish, learn to
identify trees, etc.
3. My workplace doesn't smell like noxious chemicals (in Texoma the
air quality within the research building was awful).
4. I'm getting to learn about Gray Bats. Really? Gray bats?
5. Although my office doesn't have a window, it does have a really
comfortable chair, two huge computer monitors, my own phone-line, and
all the storage space I could possibly use.
6. Free hats! Free waders! Free wading shoes! Free cell phone!
Free books! I got a "Mussels of Kansas" book the other day!
7. I'm getting to learn something totally new.
8. I get to make decisions about how people can build things, what
they need to do to prevent environmental damage, and how to best
protect the environment.
9. The Army COE, the EPA, the FWS...all these guys are listening to
me when they make decisions about how to regulate streams and
wetlands. Not just me, but definitely me.
10. Did I mention I get paid better, with better benefits, and they
will pay for me to go to meetings, and they have a per-diem?

So yeah, this new job is working out ok.

Can I publish via email?

Well? Can I?

Birthday

(SPECIAL REPORT: We interrupt this mediocre blog post to bring you
this update. I have lost my phone. And by lost, I mean I
accidentally washed it. With my pants. On 'heavy duty' setting.
Yes.
SO, if you are one of those people who I've called on a cell phone,
and I'm unlikely to remember your number because I met you in graduate
school or you moved sometime in the last 3 years or you birthday was
after 1975...SEND ME YOUR NUMBER. I totally forgot it.)

Well, I'm officially 29 years old now. I'd be a lot more terrified of
that if I was still 25, if that makes any sense, but as it is, I'm
just exhausted about the world.

The job is going well, but the 3 hour a day drive is really killing my
non-work productivity. Well, that, and the fact that I had to read
the entire Harry Potter series. Thank god that's over, or else I
might have destroyed all the personal relationships in my life.

Apparently...wait...

As I was writing this (in the middle of the day cuz I'm done with
almost all my work), I was handed a copy of Unionid Mussels of Kansas.
This is the coolest thing anyone has given me in at least 4 hours.
The last two days HAVE been kind of a "Getting cool stuff" festival,
however. Yesterday my loving wife purchased me the entire 27 disc
collection of available Alton Brown episodes, then my parents got me a
new knife set (drool) and Alton Brown's award-winning book "I'm just
here for the food." Then when I got to work this morning I got a
state-issued credit-card to buy gas.

I think the mussel guide (did I mention it is illustrated?) falls
above the credit card but below the cooking stuff.

We also moved into the house we're renting on Saturday. I'd be lying
if I said I was anything but dismayed by the place. It just makes me
mad, mostly at myself, but a little bit mad at the cruel fate that has
forced us into this situation. Screw you Fate!

The kitchen is pitifully small, with an ancient electric stove. The
fridge is small, there's no dishwasher. The bathroom is A) moldy and
B) unbelievably ugly. I shouldn't think about it. After we got all
our stuff in there it looked a lot nicer. The sheer fact that I do
not want to move again could mean that we stay there for awhile, but
this is definitely the ugliest, worst place we've ever lived.

Once we're in Pratt, or at least once I quit having to drive 3 hours a
day, I'll be more communicative.