Tuesday, February 28, 2006

What the hell is wrong with Jerry Colangelo?

****Note: This is my second post today...scroll down for the earlier one (not basketball-related)************

So anyone who follows basketball at all has probably seen this by now, but I feel the internet would be a little less full and complete if I didn’t comment on this. Apparently 22 NBA players have been chosen to compete in a team USA training camp (3 non-NBA guys will round out the roster). The complete list is available here (http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2349009).


Didn’t we all agree that the problems with our past couple of Olympic/Worlds efforts were:

Lack of time spent training together.

  1. Lack of role players.
  2. Lack of shooters.
  3. Lack of winners (I mean, nobody said that, but it was true).
  4. Lack of passion (see Stephon Marbury, worst Team USA member ever)


So just to be perfectly clear: Leaving Iverson off this list is the dumbest thing imaginable. I mean, I know the little guy didn’t play great last time, but he really wants to play, he’s having the best season of his career (45% from the field in case anyone was wondering), and there are few players who better represent America (good and bad).


There are some other really odd selections here:


Luke Ridnour….excuse me? You’re pulling Luke Ridnour? What in the hell does Luke Ridnour bring that Kirk Hinrich doesn’t bring better?


Rashard Lewis…uh, that train crashed in last year’s all-star game.


Antawn Jamison…I guess they have to cut someone, but please, give a guy a chance. There’s no way Jamison can compete with the likes of Brand, Howard, Bosh and Amare for a PF spot, and there is absolutely no way he’s beating out some combination of Melo, Pierce, Marion and Joe Johnson for that SF spot. Why not bring in someone like Kenyon Martin who will make those guys work for a spot? Jamison (just because he’s a 6’ 7” PF) will never make it onto the team.


Meanwhile I count at least 9 top tier NBA scorers: Melo, Arenas, Bosh, Brand, Bryant, LeBron, Joe Johnson, Pierce, Amare and D-Wade. I can count on one figure the number of these guys whose game fits with international play: 1. Joe Johnson. With the expanded paint those big guys can’t just camp out down there, and while I’m convinced Robo-Bryant can probably score big on occasion in any league, he’s not going to have refs to bail him out every time he goes on a slump.


Look…We all know we can’t solve all of Team USA’s problems. With the lack of time spent playing together, this team will never be great defensively. Plus (and I never see anyone mention this) it isn’t like Argentina and Serbia are beating us because of their fantastic defensive skills. You get a guy like Bruce Bowen (who just basically mugs people) and he’s totally worthless, because the international refs will call a foul on that shit. Clearly winning at this level doesn’t require defense, it requires offense, and lots of it. However the lack of shooters is a problem everywhere in the US, so it doesn’t seem likely we’ll be able to solve it on our national team.


Given the list that was compiled for the training camp, this is the best team I see:


PG: Chauncey Billups (doesn’t need to score to run a team, a winner)
SG: Joe Johnson (passes well, scores well, defends decent)
SF: Shawn Marion (rebounding machine, defends well, doesn’t need the ball to score)
PF: Elton Brand (rebounding machine, doesn’t need the ball to score, a winner [Duke])
C: Brad Miller (passer, good medium to long range jumpshot)

Off the Bench:

Robo-Bryant: Ok, yes. You always need to have Robo-Byrant around. But keep disrespecting him so he’ll score well when you bring him in (another winner).
Chris Paul: Only the third best PG in the league right now (sorry Kirk).
Michael Redd: Shooter…who cares what else.
Dwight Howard: Rebounder, inside scorer.
Josh Howard: Defender, little things.
Shane Battier: Defender, little things (and a winner).
J.J. Redick: Ok, he’s not on the list, but seriously, is there a better shooter out there?


This gives you a team with just tw0 ‘needs-the-ball’ scorers (Kobe and Joe Johnson). It gives you role players who aren’t going to bitch if they don’t play a lot of minutes (Josh, Battier, Redick). It allows you to throw a lineup out there on the floor in crunch time that knows how to win a game: Billups, Bryant, Battier, Brand, Miller [I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt, but you could swap him with Marion and probably do fine]. You’ve got some decent on-the-ball defenders (cuz team D is gonna suck). Most importantly you’ve got a lot of guys who can clean up the misses and make things happen on the break and instinctively in traffic (Marion, Brand, Dwight Howard, Battier). Plus, when a team slaps a zone on you, you can dial in from outside with a slew of scorers.


And, of course, this is a bunch of guys who care (for various reasons).


Now, there’s absolutely no way that team gets assembled. Instead the final Team USA will look something like this:

Melo
Arenas
Bosh
Brand
Bryant
LeBron
Joe Johnson
Pierce
Amare
D-Wade
Bruce Bowen
Dwight Howard


And the frickin’ team won’t know what the hell to do. I can’t even imagine Lebron and Kobe playing on the same team, my head would explode.


Why will this team be put together?


Because you can’t assemble a team of the NBA’s best talent and honestly expect it to not include some combination of 8 out of the top 9 players available (Joe Johnson might get left out since he’s playing for the Hawks).

Abstract manipulations of language

Ok, if you’re interested, I’m going to kind of a weird place with this piece, maybe. Don’t take anything you read here seriously…sometimes it is just necessary to release all the muck in your mind.


Just need some random word to start out with…how about he Oxford English Dictionary’s word of the day? Let me just look that up.


Waving.

*********************

I stood on the frigid side of a street baked in lead, waving my arm briefly to indicated I needed a ride. The bus squeaked to a stop, the door opened, the lights from another car waved by my field of vision. I invoked a small series of metabolic reactions resulting in complete (if short-lived) defiance of gravity. A laminated photography of myself with a fancy logo ensured that the bag of biochemistry imitating a bus driver would not harass me for hitching a ride. The windows sucked heat, the metal bars sucked heat, the seats did not. I sat.

Some period of time elapsed. Or not. One way or the other I realized we had moved. Light came through the window, struck my eyes, began to degrade my retinas very slowly. I raise a protective shield that blocked all wavelengths of light in the ultraviolet range, and all orientations of light save a narrow band. This shield protects, yet allows me to see. The bus squeaks to a halt. Doors open, apparently by magical intervention (I think I can see the small demons slaved into servitude). I step into air that is energetically poor and I immediately begin donating energy to make up the difference (pathetic as my donation is). I suddenly get blasted by trillions and trillions of air molecules that appear thrown by some evil force in the distance.


Again, a period of not time. I look up and am amazed by the sight above me. The spoon is not real, the cold is not real, the air is illusion, but my image of happiness is firm and absolute.


The grass is the sad color of faded chlorophyll, but beneath it the soil is black and the spring will come again.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Daily Routine

I figure most people out there have a routine they go through on a daily basis. I think mine is pretty standard, but I thought I’d share it with you. I find writing things down gives me a good perspective. Let’s see here:


4 30 am – Wake up. Careful to not disturb my wife I slink out of the bedroom, get dressed and prepare my morning cereal. After a glass of V8 juice I take a few moments to prepare my thoughts on the day.


5 00 am – I turn on the computer and check my email messages. So long as nothing ‘urgent’ is in my inbox I start working on my latest paper.


7 30 am – I start my charity hour. Each day I like to donate a portion of my time to a different charity. I help out however I can. For instance, this week a local orphanage asked me to help out in preparing their tax returns. Thanks to careful attention to detail and a diligent amount of research, I’m able to save them thousands on deductions.


8 30 am – I prepare a brief breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast and OJ (just 4 WW points total) for my loving wife.


9 30 am – Arrive at work. I consult with all of my collaborators, offering helpful suggestions and my many talents. Work-related catastrophes are dealt with, research is conducted, and papers are prepared for submission.


11 30 am – During my lunch break I take martial arts classes at the gym.


12 30 pm – In collaboration with some mechanical engineers I have been building a small fleet of electric cars. To do so I wrote GE and other major corporations to request sponsorships. We’ve been successful to the point where we feel optimistic our entire fleet can be replaced with non-polluting electric cars by the end of the year (our electricity is, of course, generated by PV solar panels mounted on the roofs of all buildings)


1 30 pm – This is usually the time of day when high-ranking government officials contact me regarding the latest catastrophes. For some reason many high-level officials don’t really figure out what is going on until late in the day. Solving the current crisis usually takes a good two hours.


3 30 pm – Tea time. I prefer green tea with lemon and a rice cake.


3 45 pm – The rest of the work day (until 6) is usually occupied with proposal writing. I’m currently a co-PI on 19 different submitted proposals to agencies such as the NSF, EPA, and DOE. My associates and I fully expect to receive funding for many of these, but who knows? In the last funding cycle we only had a 94 % success rate.


6 00 pm – Comments by interested citizens on proposed rule-making are a vital part of our democracy, so I like to spend about 3 hours a day working on this. One recent comment ended up being a 78 page article discussing in great detail the pros and cons of the proposed legislation. Cambridge Press is considering publishing it as a book.


9 00 pm – Around this time I usually go for my evening walk. I find that spending time outside (no matter what the weather is like) is a refreshing experience. Plus, I save gas by walking home (only 14 miles). The recent heat wave (the high got up to 22 F today) has really made this walk more enjoyable.


1 00 am – I arrive home, take a quick shower, set my alarm, snuggle up to my wife, and fall asleep.


Well. There you have it. A typical “Day in the Life” for me. Believe me, with a schedule like that every day feels like a weekend. I mean, how many people get to drink green tea with lemon everyday? I mean I get paid for that!


Ok, so I don’t know if that turned out as funny as I wanted it to be. But you get the idea (maybe). I’ve played around with the idea of writing a book of comedy stuff, but I’ve really had some problems coming up with a suitable topic. Most topics are pretty much done to death (cats, dogs, babies, power tools, men and women, computers). I’m working on writing funny stuff about everyday things, but I have a harder time with it. I’ve toyed with the idea of writing about ‘growing up’ in a comedic sense, but again, pretty cliché. I’ve also thought about just making a book’s worth of short essays on lots of different subjects. Kind of a “What to do when someone asks you about?” Or “What you didn’t want to know about, but it seems you’re going to have to learn.” Or “Why idiots rule the universe.”

I also thought about politics, but I’m maybe too bitter. I mean, the title and idea I came up with there was:
“What you want to happen is never going to happen.” Or “Why nobody is happy in a democracy.”

Anyway, my first attempt to write a ‘day in the life’ piece is below (unfinished). I’d appreciate anyone letting me know what you think (of anything).

4 30 am – Wake up. Cat thinks it is time to play. I chase cat out of bedroom. This takes just long enough for my side of the bed to get cold. What a cute kitty.

5 30 am – Wake up. Cat thinks it is time to go to bed, and really wants to sleep in bed with us. She scratches at the door and whines. Back to the cold bed.

6 30 am – Alarm goes off for the first time. Ha! At 6 30 in winter at this latitude the sun isn’t even up yet. I may not have many firm religious beliefs, but one of them is that getting up while it is still dark out is a crime.

7 30 am – Ok, this time when the alarm goes off I roll out of bed. Go to the bathroom. Think very briefly about breakfast and climb back into bed.

7 45 am – I’ll just hit the snooze one more time.

9 30 am – Since I’m already late I don’t have time to find clean clothes, so I just throw on whatever I wore last night.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Good News

Allright. Apparently I am quite skilled at expressing my frustration with the world. The impression I’m giving is one of downer and murky and ‘life sucks.’ This isn’t really the case. Let’s recap here, just for everyone’s benefit:

I’m happily married with the cutest cat in the world. I don’t have to work a desk job, I set my own schedule, I have intellectual freedom, and I work with some of the most amazing people I’ve ever known. I have friends with whom I share music, ideas, games, recipes, and an assortment of alcoholic beverages. I play basketball on a regular basis, and I’ve only hurt myself doing so 4-5 times in the past year. I’ve got the NBA, Law & Order, CSI, and Good Eats for televised entertainment, and I’ve got fun books on ecology, cooking science, and cartoons on my nightstand. I’ve got video games and a DVD player.

Plus, this weekend I found out my first paper was pretty much accepted for publication. So in addition to a slew of co-authored papers over the past few years, I also will have a first-authored paper soon.

So nobody worry. My written fascination with the parts of my life that are difficult does not imply that these are the overwhelmingly dominant parts of my life.


Ok…well, in NBA news:

- All-Star game was ok. The West was really force-feeding T-Mac though. I think the overall problem with the All-Star game is that there is little competition. The players just don’t care. Combined with the fact that the All-Star game is _the_ premier NBA event, this gives casual fans a crappy impression of the NBA. I don’t necessarily want Bulls-Knicks from the 90s out there, but it was jarring to see LeBron out there actually trying to play hard early in the game. It shouldn’t be so unusual to see someone trying. What we need is a good East-West rivalry going. I hate to endorse Kobe in any way here, but why couldn’t he have had his usual “I’m pissed off and I’m going to score a thousand points on you” attitude going.

- And someone should explain to me why Gilbert Arenas makes the team, but Jason Kidd (clearly a superior player in every way) doesn’t.

- Ben Wallace should thank Pau Gasol (or maybe the virus Pau had) for giving Ben an opportunity to pick up some stats in that game.

- See if you can pick out the non-All-Star in this lineup: Nash, Lebron, Wade, Kobe, Shaq, Yao, and Allen Iverson. Yeah, I’m looking at you Yao. I’m not sure if Yao just doesn’t get American-streetball (which almost everyone else in the league grew up playing), or if he really is that clumsy. What I do know is that Yao Ming stole this All-Star game appearance from Brad Miller (or Melo if you want to put Nowitzki at C)

Saturday, February 18, 2006

2nd City

Last night I went to see the improv-troupe 2nd City. Apparently many SNL and Daily Show cast members did 2nd City before getting a bigger job. The show is a bunch of skits and improv bits. I think this is the first time I’ve ever been to see a comedy show (other than plays that involved some comedy). I liked it. On a scale from 1-10, I’d have to say it was at least a 7. I didn’t laugh out loud much though, and considering I thought the skits were extremely funny and everyone else was laughing. I started to get somewhat self-conscious about not laughing out loud. So I tried to jump start the process by forcing myself to laugh out loud.

That didn’t work, so I just gave up and decided to not worry about it.

Apparently I think too much.

Anyway, I’ve gone totally stupid for the Mountain Goats lately. I just can’t get enough of the song “This Year.” I’d love to post a copy of it somewhere on the web, but my stupid…oh wait…here we go. Check out this song here.

If you’re like me, then this song will be playing on your computer an obscene number of times over the next three weeks. I think I’ve finally saturated my ability to listen to it, but I encourage others to partake.

Finally some recurring items:

- I made a chocolate-zucchini bread the other day. Good lord it was great. I’d recommend it to anyone, let me see if I can find it…here we go:

Chocolate Zucchini Bread

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour -- unbleached
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
2 cups sugar
3/4 cup egg substitute -- fat free
1/3 cup canola oil
2 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon vanilla
2 1/2 cups shredded zucchini

Coat two 4x8 inch loaf pans with nonstick spray.

In a medium bowl, use an electric mixer set at medium speed to beat the sugar, egg substitute, oil, water and vanilla until well blended. Stir in zucchini.

Add dry ingredients and stir until they are moistened. Divide the batter between the pans.

Bake until a toothpick near the center of each loaf comes out clean, 50 to 60 minutes. Bake at 350 degrees F.

Cool in pans on wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove the loaves from pans and allow to cool completely on wire rack.

Makes two loaves of 12 slices each. Freezes well.

- Video Games: I played Dance Dance Revolution for the first time on Thursday night. I admit it, I was skeptical. Well, apparently I’m an idiot. That game is amazing, and I want to play it every day. If the music didn’t suck, it would be even better.

- Other video games: Well apparently I’ve moved into RPG full-time on the purchasing side of things, but I don’t know why. I only play NBA Live 2006, which I’ve now decided has a better franchise mode than any other basketball game out there.

Friday, February 17, 2006

All Star Weekend:

The break. The NBA can do a collective sigh. Players can take a few days to rest sore ankles. Coaches can regroup. GMs get together for a quick “Who wants to make a trade?” Oh, and everyone can participate in a fantastically amazing party.


Unlike the NFL, the NBA’s premier event is the All-Star weekend. Due to the fact that the NBA Finals are not played in a neutral arena, the NBA loses out on the long buildup that precedes the Superbowl, or the Final Four. Nobody is working towards a singular destination. As a result the NBA finals (like the World Series) is an event that just happens, on the fly and relatively unheralded. Since it is a series rather than a single game, the build up is less dramatic.


So the NBA’s premier weekend becomes the All-Star Game. This isn’t really even a game, it is a bunch of guys scrimmaging, who get real serious in the last ten minutes. All you need to know about the Game itself is that in the first half you’re likely to see Shaq take a 3. And in the second half you’re likely to see Shaq flash out on a pick and roll.


In recent years the pass has suddenly become fashionable in the All-Star game. I’ll bet any amount of money that we’ll see Allen Iverson pass out of an easy shot on the fast break at least 5 times. We’ll probably see him try to do something ridiculous like go between his legs with a bounce pass.


I’ve also got money on Tracy McGrady bouncing a ball off the backboard for a dunk (which was way, way more impressive when he did it in a real game against the Pistons two years ago). I bet we see Vince Carter dunk.


MVP? All I know is it won’t make any sense, and it won’t be Ray Allen.


Biggest NBA questions for the final push:


- Can the Clippers pull things back together? (I think yes).

- Can the Mavs beat the Spurs for top spot in the West? (I think yes, which brings up the possibility of a Kobe-Mavs first round series that I will sweat through)

- Can Steve Nash get the necessary momentum from the media to pull of a second MVP trophy? (Is there anyone else who should even be in this conversation? I imagine he won’t get it though)

- Will Amare be able to come back? (Please be yes!)

- Will the Cavaliers collapse without Hughes? (I think so)

- Will Darko get playing time and flourish? (Probably)

- Will I get to go to a game this year? (I think so, but we’re saving up for Alaska, so who knows)

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Other thoughts

1. Been thinking more since my flamed article yesterday: I’ve had three Great ideas during my time in graduate school. Two of those ideas are not happening, despite my efforts. One of those ideas is now in someone else’s hands (since my advisors wouldn’t let me do it). My dissertation is based (almost entirely) around 1 Good idea I had a month after I arrived.

2. Oh, and if you were wondering:

Invading Iraq > Bad idea

Jack Kerouac’s “On the Road” > Good idea

The Firefox web-browser > Great idea

Einstein’s ideas about relativity > Wow idea

Shooting a 78-year old supporter in the face while hunting > Lord what an idiot.


3. NBA thoughts:

a. I have no idea how Radmanovic for Wilcox helps either team.

b. This whole “Francis to the Knicks” rumor mill is absolutely stupid. Are you honestly telling me that the Knicks have anything that the Magic want? Are they going to give up Channing Frye? Is there anyone else worth crap on that team? Is there anyone on the Knicks who has an expiring contract? I suppose that might work out for the Magic. The real question here is why would anyone think that a Franchise-Starbury backcourt will win any games at all.

c. Speaking of which, are we finally seeing the end of the Combo-guard era? You know, the guys like Baron Davis, Stevie Franchise, Marbury? I note, with interest, that Miami got away from that idea with Dwayne Wade as soon as they could. Furthermore, the Bulls seem to be moving away from that with Kirk and Gordon. Kirk can’t play the 2 and Gordon shouldn’t play the 1…it’s that simple. 1’s and 2’s aren’t interchangeable (unless you’ve got Michael Jordan on your team, and your other point options are guys like Paxson and B.J. Armstrong)

d. Darko to the Magic makes some sense. I still think that if Darko can get a solid season of playing 20-25 minutes a game, then he can turn into a good player in the future. I mean the guy is what, like 20? I like the Nelson and Howard tandem, seems like they would benefit from having some other good offensive options.

4. KU…yes….I still think they are going to win it all. Preferably in a Final Four finale against UNC and Roy “I suck” Williams.


5. The temperature here is about to plunge…and I do mean plunge, so expect some mean-spirited talk about cold climates in the near future.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Flamed

I’m burnt out.

For anyone reading this who doesn’t know, I’m in my 4th year as a Ph.D. student in Ecology.

I didn’t want to end up like this.

In college I quit biology. I decided I didn’t want it anymore. I wanted to do something that would cause a more immediate impact on society. So (stay with me here) I swung back into physics. The idea here was to either work at the interface between biology and physics (which is really, really fascinating) or to transition into engineering. My undergrad institution has no engineering program, but the physics department has a history of producing engineers. At the same time I re-ignited myself into writing and eventually became the editor of the newspaper.

Ok, so I walk out of college with: Biology B.S., Physics B.A. (don’t ask), and a smattering of writing experience. I apply to two kinds of graduate schools: Environmental Engineering and ‘Conservation Ecology’ programs.

Where am I now? My dissertation is probably going to be titled something like: Dissolved organic matter dynamics in north temperate forested streams. Instead of working on something with a more immediate impact on society, I’m working on a minor issue in a large field without any real practical impact.

I’m burnt out.

Graduate school is the first experience I’ve ever had that I didn’t enjoy. I’ve really grown to hate it here. My fellow graduate students are great, but the truth is I’m completely sick of my research, I’m sick of putting up with assholes, I’m sick of putting up with all the power-trips. My advisors have asked me what I want to do next, and the only thing I can absolutely say with certainty is “Not this, and further south.”

I realized today just how much I hate this. When I left college I was confident, self-secure, and expected people to not treat me like dirt.

Today I realized my standards have lowered. One of my advisors got me back comments on a paper, 5 weeks after I gave it to him. The comments primarily revolve around grammatical ‘errors.’ Many of these errors are stylistic decisions, not errors. I felt good though, because it took ‘only’ 5 weeks, and because my advisor did offer a few comments on the actual science. And I felt good because it was one of the handful of interactions I’ve had with my advisor that didn’t leave me feeling like I was not important enough to be occupying his time.

When did I start devaluing myself? I have value.

I started devaluing myself when I realized I was no longer passionate about what I was doing. My work is interesting, but I don’t think it is important, and therefore it is ultimately incapable of keeping my attention for long.

I’m burnt out. And as a result all I’m doing is looking for the next thing. I’m sick of this, I want the next. And for some stupid reason I think the next will solve everything. The next won’t solve anything unless I make a point to do something about it.

I’m burnt out.

But I won’t be for long.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Corporate Responsibility

Well, the wrists aren’t hurting so much anymore. That means anyone reading this is in for a couple-thousand-word treat….And I’m limiting my research to Wikipedia (which I know isn’t really a great source for authoritative information), so some of these details may be messed up.

Today’s topic: Corporate Responsibility….Go!

The Royal Dutch Shell corporation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shell_Oil) and The Coca Cola Company (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Coca-Cola_Company) have both been the subject of outrage over gross human rights violations. These corporations are by no means alone in their reckless behavior, but I single them out here because I have been made aware of them relatively recently (within the past few years). Personally I feel that I should not support corporations, individuals, or institutions that behave in an unethical manner. So if, for instance, Coca-Cola hires Columbian revolutionaries to intimidate and/or kill workers attempting to unionize, then I would stop drinking Coca Cola products.

However, what is my ethical obligation if another company, say Coca Cola Fomento Economico Mexicano, S.A. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coca-Cola_FEMSA), only 39.6% owned by The Coca-Cola Company, is the guilty party? Coca-Cola FEMSA is not the bottler that distributes Coca-Cola into the United States. In all likelihood I will never pick up a bottle of Coke distributed by this company (although they also distribute many beers that we might easily purchase in the US, such as Tecate, Tecate Light, Carta Blanca, Superior, Sol, Dos Equis Lager, Dos Equis Ambar). What is the obligation of The Coca Cola Company to police its suppliers? Futhermore, what is the obligation of U.S. bottlers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coca-Cola_Enterprises), who are also only partly owned (~30%) by the The Coca Cola Company? So if I decide to not buy a bottle of Coke at the 7-11, and instead pick up a Pepsi (thereby reducing market share for Coke)…and assuming lots of other people do this too….then what happens? Who feels the pinch? Who responds? Who is capable of addressing the issue that concerned me? Well, in this case it is easy…If significant numbers of people respond to something like this and begin to erode the quality of Coca Cola as a brand name, then the entire Coca Cola system is in jeopardy, and the who system needs to respond.

The reality is that when a company behaves unethically, that company’s business partners have a choice to make: 1) continue to do business as usual, 2) abandon that business relationship, or 3) work to remedy/improve the situation. I’m in favor of choice #2, because it sets the bar pretty high for ethical behavior in companies. You act like an ass, we don’t work with you anymore. I’m usually willing to accept #3. Coca Cola has actually done this in some ways before: CFC coolers were in use by a Coca Cola subsidy, in response to a public appeal Coke forced the smaller company to invest in better coolers. A small step, but a step. I usually only feel like I need to make a stand when a company chooses #1.

What is a company saying when they choose step #1? They are saying that unethical behavior is acceptable. And if you support that company, you are telling that company “Hey, it’s ok…I don’t mind.” “Hey, Coca Cola...I’m fine with you hiring thugs to intimidate and kill your union workers.”

What I want to say is “I’m so disgusted by your pitiful response that I don’t even want to talk to you.”

I’m not sure if this went where I wanted it to go. I mean, I’ve got a lot of other thoughts about this. What happens when corporate leadership changes? Do we continue to boycott or work against that corporation or do we give them a chance to prove themselves? How much of the leadership would need to change? How do we respond when ‘brands’ get sold and repackaged by a new company (I’m thinking here of Uniroyal)? Does our distaste go with the brand? What happens when a company responds to controversy by really making an effort to remedy or improve the situation, but just doesn’t seem to be making much progress?

Basically I guess the bottom line is: Coke and I broke up a week or so ago. I came over and got all my stuff, and now I’ve moved out. We’re through. Coke and I got nothing to talk about.

Ok, let’s think about something a little less difficult:

AllStar Game Reserves (2 forwards, 2 guards, 1 ‘center’ and 2 wildcards):

The West:

Carmelo Anthony (F)

Elton Brand (F)

Pau Gasol (C)

Nowitzki (W)

Chris Paul (G)

Tony Parker (G)

Shawn Marion (W)

The East

Ben Wallace (C)

Rip Hamilton (G)

Chauncy Billups (G)

Paul Pierce (W)

Chris Bosh (F)

Dwight Howard (F)

Joe Johnson (W)

A few comments: Yeah…I left Garnett off my AllStar team…Suck it. I would absolutely rather have Gasol, Nowitzki, Brand, Anthony, or Marion before Garnett right now. I mean, I wouldn’t even have to think about it. Garnett looks like an old man out there on the court. Hard to believe he’s only 29, but he’s played 10 long years in the league.

I wrestled tremendously with the East reserves. I kinda think Chris Webber should be on there somewhere, and I think Z in Cleveland is the 3rd best center. However, I leave no room for gunners who don’t make their team better (I’m looking at you Marbury and Arenas) and I really can’t say I’d rather have one of the Net wingmen over Joe “I made Boris Diaw 30 million dollars” Johnson. And don’t think I didn’t consider Boris in those West reserves. Three Pistons seems about right, although I hate the idea of picking guys for team success…we’re talking about the All-Star game, successful teams have other rewards…but Ben Wallace is still a great center, Chauncy should be second behind Nash for MVP balloting, and I think Rip deserves some credit for his amazing game.

Just for the record, Rip is really the most amazing player. People always compare him to Reggie, and he even seems to be buying into that himself, but what makes him amazing is his control. Reggie twisted and broke free, but he’d take bad shots (maybe I’m just remember him older). Rip has really, really good shot selection. He doesn’t take a lot of threes because he isn’t a great three point shooter. Not many players today care to do that. I can’t even imagine how much better Ben Gordon would be if he would restrict himself to shooting ‘in-range and in-rhythm’. He really could be good.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Super Bowl Sunday….

Well, the day has arrived. Super Bowl Sunday….

Great…big flipping deal….

Every year about this time I quit caring about football, often this lack of caring takes place quite a bit earlier in the year. There are multiple reasons for this…in no particular order:

  1. The Chiefs aren’t involved. According to legend the Chiefs are not Super-Bowl victory-less, but as far as I’m concerned that’s complete mythology. The best the Chiefs have done in my lifetime is a conference finals appearance with Joe Montana at the helm. Gee, what happened in that game? The Chiefs were getting stifled, and then suddenly seemed to wake up, followed by the Bills knocking Joe into next month. That was the end of Joe.
  2. Football gets boring. There’s a reason that football is so popular: The season is short. Hockey and basketball need to wake up about this (and baseball has gone so far the opposite way I don’t even think about it). Having a season that lasts 8-9 months is just too long. The NFL realizes that people aren’t that interested in football, and so they limit its availability to just 6 or so months a year. Perfect! The season is so short that most teams aren’t eliminated until late in the year, keeping interest up, and the once-a-week formula allows a little bit of hype to build up (but not too much). Unfortunately for me, I lose interest much faster. I don’t really ‘wake up’ to football until around the middle of October, and I’m sorta done by early December (unless the Chiefs are rolling).
  3. Too much sappiness. Football players are heroes, they are modern American saviors. They should be included in the pantheon alongside Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln. A guy like Brett Favre will make you a better person just by having a conversation with him. At least, that’s what the announcers would have you believe.
  4. Football is a pretty conservative league. Let’s see, no guaranteed contracts, a hard cap as low as the NBA’s soft cap (with about 45 more players), few minority coaches, ridiculous fines and reactions to ‘inappropriate behavior.’ Considering the average lifespan of an NFL player is ten-fifteen years less than an average US citizen…I’d think the NFL should be a little more player friendly.
  5. Atheletes? With all due respect to Sumo wrestlers, I just don’t get how some of these guys can be considered ‘atheletes.’ What’s the first image that comes to mind when you hear the phrase “An extremely atheletic man”? Is it really a 330 pound Warren Sapp? Or is it a lean, lethal LeBron James (whose a taller person)? Does anyone really think that Reggie White was more ‘built’ than Karl Malone?


On the plus side, the NFL is neat because there are no superstars. In the NBA everybody plays both sides, and each player is 1/5th of his team at any given time. In baseball the real game is all between the hitter and the pitcher (fielding is some teamwork, but only come into play when/if the pitcher fails). In football every player is important, but none (except the QB maybe) are vastly more important than everyone else.


So, those are my Super Bowl Sunday thoughts. I’d elaborate (or edit) but my wrists are, again, killing me. So I’m going to stop writing.

Later

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Been Busy

Ok, a few things here:

1. West Virginia and Virginia are very beautiful (at least the western end of those states). Even in late January I was impressed. However, as others have pointed out, when you've been living in Indiana, a lot of places look nice.

2. My wrists have been killing me. I think I may be developing some sort of carpal tunnel syndrome (or something). In the morning they are ok, but after a full day of typing on the computer I am in agony. In fact, I'm in agony right now, so don't expect many updates for a few days.

3. Doing weight watchers with my woman. Surprisingly not bad at all.

4. Elton Brand should be an All-Star Game Starter. A damned shame that he's not.

5. This is going to be the subject of an upcoming entry, but I thought I'd get it out there now. Apparently we need to add Coke to the list of companies from which purchasing a product is a bad idea. Shell is the other major offender that immediately jumps to mind, but I think the idea of boycotts for the purpose of causing change in a company needs its own article. For instance, at what point can a company 'redeem' itself? I mean, these aren't people who will always be the same, a corporation is a revolving door of owners and employees. How much do we punish a company for a bad employee? How can a company regain our trust? Finally, why would we care how a company conducts its business anyway?

6. Ok, the wrists are really hurting.

8. What happened to 7?

Later

Monday, January 30, 2006

Auto Repair

Let’s be honest. Most of us, when faced with automotive difficulties, are completely capable of performing the appropriate repairs.

The procedures goes something like this:

Step 1: Ignore the problem.

95% of problems go away by themselves. Seriously, I’ve seen the numbers, and I’m convinced most problems are self-repairing. The automobile, through long decades of “evolution” has developed keep self-repair mechanisms. (This is probably intelligent design)

Step 2: Check under the hood.

As anyone can tell you, most of the problems that don’t “self-repair” are ones that will whither away when confronted by a stern look. The only real key is figuring out where to look. Since opening the hood exposes a vast array of different ‘car parts’ (don’t get bogged down with this technical jargon), this is a good place to start. Of course, if you hear a problem coming from a particular place (say, your front right tire) you could just start there.

Step 3: Verbal intimidation.

Cars are sensitive creatures, filled with deep internal longings and tremendous self-confidence issues. After all, new cars are coming out all the time, and cars don’t usually last forever. The knowledgeable car-owner will use this to his/her advantage. Refer to your car in the past tense (e.g., “Man, I remember when my car could reach a top speed above 20 mph”), casually mention that you’re going to buy a bus pass (e.g., “I suppose it’s about time I picked up that bus pass.”), and, if necessary, swear at it (e.g., “Piece of sh!t car!”). Often cars can be shamed into working properly.

Step 4: Physical intimidation.

Occasionally an automobile, much like a bratty kid, will require a bit of ‘physical encouragement’. This can be accomplished with a few well-placed kicks to the tires, a few hand slaps to the steering wheel, or even a dramatically slammed door. Use caution with physical intimidation, as over doing it can lead to more difficulties.

Step 5: Group intimidation.

Everyone’s had a car that was just a little too uppity for one person to handle. In these cases you should call up as many of your friends as possible, and repeat steps 1-4. Large burly men with beards are good at this ‘group intimidation,’ and if you can find someone who smells faintly of oil (car blood) this tactic has a very high success rate.

Step 6: Getting an expert.

If you auto is still acting funny after steps 1-5, then it might be time to bring in an expert. The best way to get an expert on-board is to find one within the family. Auto mechanics are notorious for finding problems that don’t really exist, or actively creating new problems. Mechanics in the family will probably do less of this than others (although who knows). Mechanics, of course, are simply better at performing steps 1-5 than you and your friends could ever be.

If you don’t have a mechanic in your family you might consider setting up siblings on blind dates with well-known area mechnics. If they hit it off, then maybe you can get your car fixed.

So there you go! Follow these simple steps and your car will probably break down ten minutes after any applicable warranty has expired and on the very morning your boss has called a meeting to discuss ‘chronic tardiness.’

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

About Intelligent Design

So let me just go on record to clear up a few issues.


1. Intelligent design (as a science) is the biggest load of crap ever. Let me just see if I understand the basic premise: Things are too complex, we can’t imagine how evolution could have produced this, hence these things must have been created by some higher being. Now, let me leave for #2 the theological issues associated with this, and let’s delve into this issue on its scientific merits.

I guess the scientific question here is: How did organisms acquire their current suite of traits?

And as I understand it the hypothesis is: Someone/thing gave those organisms those traits.

And the evidence is: Well, things are really complex and difficult to understand.

In order for this basic premise to make sense, then we must actually have things that are so complex our current explanations (namely, genetic evolution) fail to explain the outcome. I don’t really think such complexities exist. It doesn’t matter if most people can’t understand how our current explanations explain the outcome. What matters is whether or not our current explanations do explain the outcome. I’m pretty sure there are people out there who understand (or can begin to understand) how evolutionary theory lead to current biological complexity.

However, I’ll even allow the possibility that there are some complexities which we do not understand. I’d still have to say that we don’t have evidence those complexities are incapable of being explained. I mean, we’ve existed as humans for a long time (even if you only believe in a 6,000 year worldly existence), and we have been thinking about this for (at most) 200 years. The scientific community didn’t really begin to figure this out until the Modern Synthesis (1930-40s), and so we’ve only been thinking about this seriously for the past 60 years. Compare this to other things that humans have thought about, like Food. Humans have been thinking about food forever (relative to us) and it wasn’t until the middle ages that we came up with the sandwich. The point? I’m willing to give scientists a little more time to figure out if evolution can explain the seemingly inexplicable.

The bigger point is that I don’t see any evidence, nor am I convinced any evidence is possible that would support a hypothesis of “We just can’t explain it.” I mean, that’s exactly the same thing as saying “We don’t understand, it must be magic.”

Now, if you want to talk about the possibility of intelligent design (or creationism) outside of science, I’ve got my thoughts on that below.

2. Theologically there can never be any evidence for the existence of God (at least for a Christian god). Evidence of God would immediately invalidate faith in God. You cannot have faith in something which is verifiable (at least not after it is verified) since that wouldn’t be faith anymore. That would be fact. So all the fundamentalists who continually try to prove the existence of god are either a) totally misguided or b) only likely to prove the existence of a non-Christian god or a non-god-like creator.

3. I don’t really understand the controversy over evolution. There should be no conflict between science and religion. I have heard people say “Don’t you have a hard time reconciling the sermons you hear with the science you hear?”

Well, obviously the answer is no. Partly it is because I understand that physical proof denies faith (I suppose internal proof is faith), but mostly it is because I also understand that God can create a world that looks and operates and IS old. Let’s say you believe that God created the world 6,000 years ago. That changes nothing about the science. The best evidence still says that the world is over 4 billion years old. So, God created a world that was already 4 billion years old. You think this is a problem? I’ve created characters in books who were 80 years old, and that doesn’t mean the story has to be 80 years old. If God is an omnipotent diety then why can’t he do one better and create an old world?

4. Evolution is a fact. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The only open question is how life began, and that isn’t really an open question. That’s a question for which we have a working theory that makes predictions which are being and have been tested. People like to call evolution a theory, that’s not quite true. The evolutionary explanation for biological diversity is a theory, but we’re not talking about ‘speculation’, we’re talking about an idea with an unbelievable amount of supporting evidence. To put it in terms everyone can understand: We have more evidence for evolution than we do for Osama Bin Laden’s involvement in 9-11.

5. And while we’re at it, quit referring to evolution as a ‘random’ process. It most definitely isn’t random, that’s the whole point. Evolution by natural selection is a process that essentially ‘directs’ organisms to become more fit. This is the same principle by which market economics work: Clearly not a random process.

6. I suppose the final point here would be: What do I think/believe?

a. The evolutionary explanations for the biological diversity on earth help to tie together everything we know and understand about life on earth. With it we understand more about medicine, agriculture, and the ecosystem services we depend upon (clean air, clean water, etc.).

b. I doubt the universe spontaneously came into existence. I am unsure whether God (whatever you want to call him) plays an active role in our lives, or our after-lives, but I feel God exists (or existed). No matter how you cut it, the universe comes back down to a singularity, and at some point there had to be a beginning (sorta), believing anything about that point or before that point requires some sort of faith. I have that faith. I have faith that God made the world. I am always awaiting further spiritual enlightenment.

c. Organized religion is the most dangerous force on Earth. Organized religion creates hatred, bigotry, hypocrisy, and lies. Doesn’t matter how wonderful some religious people have been, the vast majority of religious ‘followers’ have spent human history killing non-believers, oppressing women, and just generally treating any ‘non-followers’ as if they were evil. As a result, I can’t imagine attending any church on a regular basis. I will, as always, remain open to the possibility that some church or religious group will/does behave up to my high standards….but I haven’t seen it yet. This could be an entire essay in itself.

d. I generally think that anyone attempting to foster intelligent design (or creationism) in a science classroom can no longer be considered an intelligent person. I would have to be convinced that you could be a biologist and believe, on a scientific level, that intelligent design is anything but a load of sh!t. I mean, even if there are problems with evolutionary explanations, I really don’t think throwing your hands up in the air and saying “It’s just too difficult. Must be magic” is science.

Some NBA thoughts:

Ok, yes, I’m aware Kobe scored 81 points the other day (and I left him off my all-star ballot). However, I really want to second what several other people have been saying: That isn’t really basketball.

Although, I suppose a strong case could be made that this is what the NBA has been looking for and geared to produce for the past twenty years. I mean, David Stern took those great personalities of the 80s (Magic, Bird, Zeke, Jordan, Nique) and he used them to make the players bigger than the teams. The promotions, the hype, that all started to revolve around stars at that point. The teams began to take a backseat then, and now we’ve got an NBA where teams are geared around individual talents, and individual talents become bigger than the team. I hear, all the time, how big stars have to “Take over at crunch time” or “Step up.” What is that doing? It’s creating an atmosphere where big stars are the focus, and team play isn’t. Take the 76ers-Celtics game I talked about a week or two ago. The story-lines before, during, and after the game revolved around Ally-I and Pierce (and a little about C-Webb and Ricky Davis). Why not talk about how Kyle Korver did more than just hit a 3 to send the game into a second overtime. Why not talk about Dalembert’s 18-10-7 (blks)? Or how the team defense continually broke down late in the game for both teams? The reason is because the blame and the credit for the 76ers and Celtics success will always lie with the stars.

So it was only a matter of time before some team was assembled where the star took all the shots (and I do mean all the shots). If anything Kobe was not shooting enough, and I almost guarantee we’ll see more of this kind of thing in the future. People like to compare Kobe to Jordan, but the real comparison is with Allen Iverson. If Iverson was eight inches taller, then he’d have scored 81 points three years ago. Kobe shoots like Iverson, with the mentality Iverson had before he took over the point guard duties.

Interestingly, this ‘star’ mentality was also present in the NBA past. How exactly do you think Wilt got 100 pts anyway?

So, having said all of that, what do I think of the Lakers?

Let’s just say that I think the Lakers would be a 50-win team if you replaced Kobe with Richard Jefferson, Ally-I, Ray Allen, or Steve Nash (I mean, Nash is worth 25 games by himself). These people who think the rest of the Lakers are worthless aren’t watching the same games I am. Doesn’t anyone remember that Dwayne Wade-Lamar Odum Heat team that took the Pacers to Game 6? You’re telling me that the Luke Walton, Brian Cook, Andrew Bynum, Chris Mihm, Kwame Brown frontcourt is so much worse than the Brian Grant, Udonis Haslem, Malik Allen combo the Heat had that year? And as for G and swingmen: Caron Butler is the only Heat player that stands out. I think Kobe wins 25 games for you by himself, but he’s going to prevent any of your young players to develop and he’s actively preventing Lamar Odum from becoming a dominant player.

Edit:

By the way, "The Incompetent Ninja" has officially been moved from the lists of comics I check regularly to the list of comics I check "when I have nothing else to do...like nothing...nothing nothing." If you start something like that and decide not to update EVER then just let me know so I can quit caring.

I'll comfort myself with fresh "questionable content". MMMM.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

In defense of immortality

I am fond of saying that I would love to live 'forever'’, but, when pressed, I will always respond that I plan to live young until I want to die. The reason is that there are lots of reasons to avoid immortality: loss of loved ones, the evolution of the rest of the species will eventually turn fellow humans into strangers, other things. In fact, many people feel like immortality would be a tiresome burden (J.R.R. Tolkien referred to death as '“The Gift of Man'”, or something like that).

The primary example of why immortality is so great is Coca-Cola.

I know, it is brilliant.

Just consider. We'’re up to billions of people who have lived on the planet Earth. But before 1884 not a single one of them experienced Coca-Cola. And it probably wasn'’t until the early part of the 1900s that most of the world even had a chance to get it. So, if you'’re counting at home, that'’s billions of people who have lived and died without ever having a chance to raise a bottle or glass of the most fantastically amazing beverage mankind has ever developed (and I'’m really not a fanatic).

Imagine how the world would be different if this carbonated cola had been available during the time of the Inquisition. I mean, can you really see a bunch of religious nutjobs gaining enough power to run torture camps to root out unlikely conspiracies when anyone can relax with an ice-cold glass of cola? Hmm'….actually, donÂ’t answer that and don't think about the Bush administration <they're watching>.

The point, if I have one, is that humankind continues to advance, and who knows what the next amazing thing will be. What about nanobots that keep your beard meticulously shaven (please somebody)? What about holodecks? What about expandable rooms?

Clearly there's a lot to look forward to out there in the future. I don'’t want to miss any of it. I really don't want anyone else to miss it either.


Choose to carry your genes into the distant future in person. Choose Immortality.


--Brought to you by the Choose Immortality in 2006 Commission.--


Edit:
And for those of you wondering how best to describe Coca Cola, feel free to use these:

The most fantastically amazing beverage mankind ever managed to mass produce.

The existence of a world where Coca Cola is possible represents absolute proof that god exists.

Astonishingly brilliant with a huge dose of just plain outstanding smashed into a red can.

Einstein's lesser known theory was that 15 seconds after the big bang the Universe was the approximate "consistency, texture and tastiness" of Coca Cola. Clearly that's worked out ok!

"Want a Coke?" "Why yes, I haven't had a dose of liquid heaven yet today?"

"Crummy weather huh?" "Well I hadn't noticed, I've been drinking Coke."

"Wow, that guy just shot you, are you ok?" "Well I hadn't noticed, I've been drinking Coke."

"Are you ok? You look like you're ill." "Nothing a little Coca Cola won't cure."

"Looks like the apocalypse just happend." "Well I hadn't noticed, I've been drinking Coke."

"I don't think Coke is the cure-all to every problem" "Well I don't think you've got the brains of a flea."

"No, seriously, Coke won't solve all your issues." "Seriously, the only issue I have is where I'm going to find a fresh supply of Coke in this post-apocalyptic wasteland."

"I think maybe you should think about laying off the Coke for awhile." "I think maybe you should think about never suggesting such a blasphemous idea again. Jack@ss!"

.....

Ok, that went to kind of a weird place. I'm going to quit writing now.



Saturday, January 21, 2006

Upcoming events and NBA rambling

Some various thoughts here:

1. Working on a couple of new ideas: Short story continues, I’ll post it here when finished, The Cult of Alton Brown manifesto is coming together slowly. In fact I think an Alton-themed party will be needed to hash out the details.

2. NBA AllStar Game voting is now closed. As you might imagine, I thought long and hard about my choices. I got to work early on Friday and made my selections (effectively ruining the ‘extra time’ I had anticipated on having by getting there early).

In the West:

F: Elton Brand (slam dunk choice)

F: Pau Gasol (Pau is having his best year as a pro, on a team with the third best record in the West, and I don’t know anyone else on his team who could start for say the Spurs or the Mavs; Duncan is having a mediocre season, for him, and his team is totally loaded; plus Pau dunked on Timmy’s face the other night)

C: Brad Miller (When did the West suddenly become the ‘conference without a center’? ; Too many injuries to Yao..nobody else worth considering)

G: Steve Nash (Other than Chauncy, Steve has to be running away with the MVP award again this year…right?)

G: Tony Park (I can’t vote for Kobe, sorry; Ray Allen has been ok; Tony is AI with shot selection and patience)

In the East

F: LeBron (I mean, yeah, duh. However, I’m not yet willing to give LeBron the edge over Carmelo in the ‘2nd best player from the Dwayne Wade draft)

F: Dwight Howard (I could have gone with one of four guys here: Bosh, C-Webb, Pierce, Howard; Toughest decision out of all the picks)

C: Ben Wallace (what? I’m supposed to pick Shaq? Doesn’t anyone else think he’s looking pretty damned slow out there recently?)

G: A.I. (best season of his career…just like last year; not sure what else he could do, and the Sixers are still struggling)

G: Chauncy Billups (MVP race has got to be between Nash and Chauncy; Is there anyone else even in the vicinity of what these guys are doing? Dirk maybe? Certainly not Kobe I-can’t-make-my-teammates-better Bryant).


And while we’re on the subject of the NBA:

Lamar Odum: From now on I will refer to him as the Basketball Samurai. He’s so good he might even be able to get the Lakers to the playoffs, so long as he can keep the ball out of Kobe’s hands until the fourth quarter.

Kobe: I think he’s a robot. Seriously. Nobody can score like that. Robot. So obvious now. Makes complete sense as well “Hey Kobe, wanna go get some beers with the team?” “No thanks, I’ve got to go home and recharge.” Of course you do, because you’re a robot.

Mike Bibby: I don’t know if I’m convinced he’s an All-Star, but there aren’t many PGs in the league who I would pick before him (Nash, Chauncy, Hinrich, Chris Paul, others?)

The Rookies: Well, Chris Paul is a slam dunk for rookie of the year; Bogut could end up better than Brad Miller, I like Derron Williams and Channing Frye, I don’t understand what people see in Nate Robinson (just seems like a poor man’s Stephon Marbury: and that ain’t great).


3. Isn’t this great weather? Maybe I’ve been wrong to complain about global climate change. I mean, sure, the whole world will be different and we might usher in a new ice age, but c’mon, I hate snowy winters.

4. New comic strip coming soon. Maybe later today. Keep in mind that this is a continous ‘storyline’ and you should read them in order.

5. NBA Live 06 update: Well, the Clippers have officially eclipsed all NBA dynasties but the great Celtics. 8 in 9 seasons and counting. 60+ wins in 8 of 9 seasons. Elton Brand (5 rings) and Mike Dunleavy (8 rings) have retired, and their jerseys are hanging from the rafters. Fly (the superstar PG) is getting older, Joe Johnson is close to retirement, Melo has is just passing his peak, and we've got a slew of younger players chomping at the bit to take the reigns. The Toronto Raptors have probably been the second best team during this 9 year run. They went to 4 straight Finals and lost them all (3 to us, 1 to Denver the only team to beat us in the playoffs the past 9 years, mostly because Melo got hurt). The Raptors have gotten there by a long term teaming up of Chris Bosh-Tyson Chandler-Charlie Villenueva. I actually played all seven games of the last Finals against the Raptors (ring #7) and man, they were good (took me to seven games obviously). I think if I hadn't been playing the games they would have won it all that season. Instead Bosh just retired with no rings. We'll see how long we can stay at the top. I am committed to keeping guys on the team until they retire (so that I can see their numbers retired). Go Clips!

Later

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The Intervention

Ok, let’s have a frank discussion about artificial stream design. Yeah. It’s that time. This has gone on too long, and it needs to stop. You’ll notice we’ve assembled all the people who care about you (except your Mom, she couldn’t take it), and we’re all really scared about what you’re doing. I mean, this is serious.

You’re wasting your life. You know that right? Your unhealthy fixation on crappy artificial stream design is just not good. Your wife is worried. Your cat doesn’t recognize you anymore. And those figures for the flow-through rates are just downright scary. We’ve all seen the graphs and the charts, but apparently that isn’t getting through to you. So we’re going to break it down for you right now: And we’re going to tell you what you need to do to get help.

First off, you’ve got to admit that the “Stream Garden” is a piece of crap. Just admit it. You, and your ‘design’ buddies…well….you just didn’t know what you were doing. It isn’t just the cheap equipment, although that doesn’t help, it’s the design. I really don’t know what you were thinking. You set up a single flow line to hit multiple streams…all from the same headbox. You know that’s why you have to adjust the flow rates every day don’t you? Every time you adjust one stream, the flow to every stream on the entire bank changes. What the hell were you thinking? You gotta get independent feedlines, or maybe stream specific headboxes…you have to do something. And you have to do it now.

Don’t think that’s it. I mean, let’s think about the platforms. You built them using plywood and cinderblocks. What is this, amateur hour? C’mon now. The individual tracks should last essentially forever, and you’re mucking around with plywood and cinderblocks? Spend the money, build something that’s going to last. Look at the streams at KBS or Minnesota. Those streams don’t have fancy-pants stream channels, but they keep producing published papers because they didn’t build something to last a summer. I’ve seen what you’re doing with your streams: Patchwork. Every summer you get up there, start run yourself (and your techs) ragged trying to get these streams to work, and then, surprise, problems. The drip rates are off, the paddlewheels are not aligned properly, the streams are all on a slant and the platforms are just about to fall apart. That’s a disgrace. A disgrace.

Ok, I know we’ve been a little hard here, but somebody had to sit you down and work this out. We’re here for you. We’re here to help. Just help us help you. Nobody can go it alone. There’s going to be times when you just want to run back to your safe, but totally demented, ‘stream garden’. When you’ve got those feeling you just need to pick up the phone and call one of us. Everyone in this room is here to help.

Now….are you ready to make a commitment to better experimental stream design? Are you ready to do better? Are you ready to grow up and build the kind of artificial stream that an adult would be proud of? Or are you going to just yourself be destroyed by this abuse?

Sunday, January 15, 2006

I'm way behind

Apparently the world at large (by which I mean the net-world) already knew about this, but there's this band called "Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!". Yeah. Let's just say this is some fantastic music. I hate to use the term 'greatest', because I throw that term around so casually. However, I heartily recommend this music to anyone. My gosh, I'm stunned and amazed.

Maybe it's the music, maybe it's my general mood, but I've been doing a lot of writing for my various books and short stories lately. Maybe I'll post some of what's emerging here later.

Oh, and I got third place in the lab cooking contest tonight (Sweet category) for a pumpkin cheesecake I made. I gotta say, I wasn't horribly embarassed by my efforts, but I have no idea how I managed to produce something so good. I really think that others made much better dishes however.

Later

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Charles Barkley slapped Larry Bird

First, new strip (remember, you have to click it to read it):



NBA Thoughts:

Wow! Seriously, wow! I hope everyone saw that basketball game last night. I mean, that was an amazing game. I am referring, of course, to the triple overtime thriller in Philadelphia between the Sixers and the Celtics.

A number of things about that game were amazing:

1. The defense (for all the wrong reasons). The number of defensive breakdowns for both teams was astonishing. How about Mark Blount’s wide-open, nobody in the lane, nobody in sight dunk to put the C’s up three with 11 seconds to go in the first (?) OT? How about the way the Sixers just ran away from Blount over and over again after he’d get rebounds? How about the way the C’s didn’t realize they should foul Korver instead of let him shoot!? How about anyone on the Celtics trying to slow down Webber at all?

In the Sixer’s defense, they didn’t really begin to suck on D until the second OT after Sam Dalembert fouled out. That meant that Webber had to quit playing perimeter D and start protecting the paint, which can be difficult to remember when it’s 11 30 and you’ve had a guy behind you all night who can swat anything.

2. Webber: The highs and lows of this guy’s career are astonishing. On the one hand he’s 20 & 10 for his career, which as they pointed out last night on ESPN, is pretty damned rare these days (the list goes: KG, Timmy, Shaq, C-Webb and….shoot, I forgot..Elton maybe?). So that’s pretty rarefied air. Plus it isn’t like he hasn’t had some success…The year his knee completely exploded I think they were a lock to win it all. On the other hand, aside from his last two years in Sacromento (when he suddenly looked competent late in games) Webber has had some severe problems doing anything late in games. However, he plays extremely well with AI, if they had teamed up 3-4 years ago they’d be a 2-3 time defending champ right now.

Finally, I recommend you go over to NBA.com and check out the ally-oop he threw to Sam Dalembert in the first OT: Wow!

3. Ricky Davis: Guy is good. Real good. Looked calm, confident and composed down the stretch. Pierce (on the other hand) looked like he couldn’t hit the floor.

4. The Future: These two teams have radically different futures. The Sixers look like they’ve re-built. Dalembert, Iguodala, and Korver are all solid role-players (Dalembert might be more), guys you can count on in a big game. The Celtics? Uh…Is there any young talent there not named Jefferson (who didn’t play last night) and West (who isn’t going to ever be better than he is right now)? And when did Raef become this incompetent?