What a weekend!

So, in the last 4 days I have:

1. Had a committee meeting (basically, defended what I do to my committee)
2. Given a talk to a bunch of toxicologists (keep in mind, I'm an ecologist, so I wasn't sure what to expect).
3. Helped set up, particpate in, and break down an 'invasive species awareness' booth at an Earth Day festival.
4. Organize the transfer of that same booth to an "Environmental Fair" at my church.

This has involved a lot of getting up early (7, 5:15, 7, on consecutive days), working hard, getting really stressed out, and eventually collapsing out of exhaustion.

On the plus side, I tied for best poster presentation at the toxicology meeting, got a lot of approval from my committee, and got to see Dave Barry give a spiel at a public school fundraiser.

But I don't want to talk about any of that. Instead I want to talk about something I've never experienced before.

That is joining a society. I'm a member now in several professional societies. For the most part these memberships have been instigated by my need to get discounts for meetings. However, I find myself now in the odd position of not just being a member, but feeling a little awkward because I haven't done anything for the society.

And there's a simple reason why I haven't done anything for these societies: I don't trust them. This is probably an attitude out of another time, but I don't really trust anyone who isn't A) family or B) my age or younger (approximately). Adults (and I realize that at 27 I can hardly call myself anything else anymore) are not trustworthy. The reason is that the older generations have been raised in an atmosphere that I know to be inherently abhorrant to my belief systems. The past (in which all people older than me were raised) is full of racism, sexism, bigotry, world wars, enviromental degradation, religious persecution, and a healthy dose of genocide.

You might say that all those things are still happening today. That's true, to some degree, but I'm alive now, and I can figure out who's legit and who is an asshat. I can't do that for events that happened in the past. I don't know if this, kindly looking, old guy here was really a sexist, racist bastard as a kid. I don't know if he hates Jews or Christians. I might know a little about what he's like now, but I can't possibly know what he is really like. We just don't share enough cultural reference points for me to feel confident in evaluating him.

That's not the same for people in my generation. I know all the cultural landscape, or I at least know enough to get a feel for where any individual fits. A fifteen minute conversation will usually give me a pretty good idea whether I'm talking to a conservative, a liberal, or something else. I don't know the cultural landscape of those older than me, and I'm starting to lose touch of the cultural landscape of those younger than me. Some day I may have to alter my take to say that I can't trust anyone much younger than me, but I think if I just try I'll be able to keep enough contact to still read the landscape.

Where am I going with this?

The point is that in one of the societies to which I have recently sworn allegience just experienced a jolt. The elected president has cancer. She has it very bad, and she's not going to be able to respond to emails or phone calls. I have read the emails, and I can see the jolt this has cast. I'm not sure what to make of it myself.

I think this is why people join societies. So that there are people out there who will care. In a way I don't have that motivation, but in another way I wish I did. I feel like the opportunities to participate are infinite, but I don't really have whatever it is that makes someone capable of taking the next step and actually participating.

I think my headache is back. I feel a little drunk-disconnected. Sorry for the rambling.