Screw up

Whenever I think I've screwed something up of a particular magnitude,
I have the most amazing sinking feeling. I'm basically paralyzed and
unable to think. I can't imagine how I could be so stupid.
Unfortunately, I get this feeling a lot.

Amazingly enough, if I realize that it wasn't a screw-up after all, I
feel a brief wash of relief....BUT I STILL FEEL MISERABLE. A few
weeks ago I thought I had inadvertently racked up hundreds of dollars
in charges on a work phone. When the bill came in and I realized I
had been using my personal phone (no charges, incidentally), and
therefore hadn't screwed up at all...I felt pretty much exactly the
same. I'm so scarred by this incident in particular that I quit using
my work phone entirely. Ugh.

For all my bluster and external exuberance, I _always_ feel like I'm
screwing something up. Needless to say, today was one of those days
where I was right.