Wanted: The perfect pet.

1. Its going to be a cat, don't even ask. I don't even hate dogs, just, its a cat.
2. Cute and cuddly
3. But not to anyone else.
4. In fact, sorta has to hate everyone that isn't the wife or I.
5. Occasionally hisses at strangers.
6. Occasionally hisses at family.
7. Needs to love one random friend who hates the cat.
8. Can't eat people food.
9. Can't even want to eat people food.
10. And oh god, no 'marking' her territory.
11. Pretty much means it has to be a she.
12. Seriously, no territory-marking.
    
13. None.
14. Not even kidding.
15. Needs to roll on her back and look cute.
16. A lot.
17. But only for us.
18. Needs to have an unbelievably fuzzy belly that is just begging to be rubbed.
19. But if you rub her belly, she'll slash you up.
20. Unless she's on catnip.
21. Then she won't know what's going on.
22. If she doesn't stick her little nose into every glass that anyone sits down, then she's out.
23. Must hate dogs.
24. Must hate cats.
25. Likes to chase little fish around aquariums.
26. Growls at small children.
27. Runs and hides under a bed every time the doorbell rings.
28. Seriously.
29. Every time.
30. Won't come out for hours.
31. Sits on paper.
32. As in, if you put a piece of paper in the middle of an empty room, that's where she'll sit.
33. Lays on my chest and purrs me to sleep.
34. Wakes me up to get her friskees.
35. NOW!

I miss my cat.