For the widows in paradise

by sufjan stevens...holy cow, how did I miss this earlier?

Wow

Just got Windoze 7 @ work. Pretty awesome actually.

I feel like I can conquer the world...scientifically.

Annoying

Sure, sure, I can use my headphones...do you think you and everyone
else could stop having conversations in the hallway all damn day long?

Thanks

I don't know why I feel like updating my blog today, but...

"You gotta know that when its over, you did the best you could'a done."

Daddy's Cup, The Dirty South

Overwhelming

I am so overwhelmed. Am I really good enough to do this? I seem to
be only able to keep track of a certain number of things, and there
are more than that swirling around me. I want to drown in music and
dance with the Elder and I haven't even had a chance to do that in a
month.

God dang it I'm sick of being alone.

I feel lost and alone and barbaric and full of rage,

I feel empty

I read my name and I don't know myself.

I am trapped in an empty room 10,000 miles square.

Teeter-Totter....

Sigh

I'm overwhelmed by being in a new place. It feels like a vacation.
I'm just exhausted. I'm just bored. I went for a run today....who am
I, and who am I going to be in this new place?

I feel very lost and alone as well.

I feel like I cliff-jumped, and I'm about halfway down to the water,
and all of a sudden this sounds like a terrible idea.

Sigh.

Argh.

I am so ready to quit this stupid job.

Sadness

I can't help but think that my wanting something affects whether or not that something happens.  If I just want something hard enough, it will happen.  And thus I feel responsible when bad things happen, because maybe I didn't want to avoid them strongly enough.  

And so I sink into depression when things out of my control occur.

And I have to sit and stare at the TV or computer until everything seems ok again.

NBA thoughts

Ok, so Amar'e is going to the Knicks and the Nuggets aren't interested
in trading Melo and nobody knows where Bosh and Wade and that other
guy (can't think of his name) are going to end up, but the Raptors
have said they're ok with a sign and trade for Bosh with the Cavs.

What do we know at this point?

1. This is the most interesting moment of LeBron James's career. So
far anyway. Which is kinda sad. A trip to the Finals, consecutive
60-win teams and MVP trophies and I've never been more interested in
what he is doing than right now.

2. Unless the Knicks also get Wade or LeBron or somehow trade for an
amazing point guard (Derron Williams, Chris Paul, Steve Nash...that
might be the whole list) then this Amar'e deal will look horrible in 2
years. There's never been anyone I've watched play who benefited more
from playing with an elite teammate over the past two+ seasons (before
the knee injury, he was legit in his own right, but since then he's
never been the same). I'm not saying Amar'e will put up terrible
numbers without Nash, but there's just no way he is the primary
offensive weapon on a 50+ win team. As the primary complement to
another creator...yeah...he could add a couple more fantastic years on
his resume (it seems like he's been in the league forever, but I guess
he's just 27).

3. If the Bulls had a choice between Wade+Bosh or LeBron by himself,
they would be crazy to turn down Wade+Bosh. Only 1 other NBA player
has a deadly late-game arsenal that compares to Wade's, and they'd
have 4/5ths of a championship-calibur starting 5.

4. What I really want to see happen, more than anything else, is to
see Wade+Bosh+LeBron play in the same city. Chicago would be nice.
Clippers would be nice. Cavs would be nice. Heck, even the Nets
would be nice. I just want to see how that would work. Could Wade
and LeBron solve the alpha-dog battle? Would other teams just give up
and roll over? Can Bosh become a scrappy 3rd option who does all the
little things? Could a team with so much committed to three players
find the rest of the pieces necessary to compete? Any outcome other
than this would be a bit of a disappointment, and if they only thing
that happens is LeBron staying in Cleveland, Wade staying in Miami and
Bosh going to the Bulls, I'm going to be super-disappointed.

5. Finally, what the heck was Atlanta thinking? I know they don't
really have a clear path forward post-Joe Johnson, but there's no way
he's worth what they are going to pay him. He's not worth that _now_,
and in 2 years he'll be such a huge problem for them.

I can't remember

I thought there was something I was going to post about on here.

It was funny, insightful, and frankly would have changed your life forever.

That's right, you, you specifically.  

I know.  

And I forgot.

My shoes

Apparently my shoes look like "skater punk" shoes. Specifically,
"Avril Lavigne shoes".

Ok...

So I guess I'll be wearing different shoes this afternoon.

The Failure of Phoenix

In the NBA, superstars usually come up short because they fail in some
way. Clyde Drexler couldn't beat MJ because he got outplayed.
Patrick Ewing would have won two championships if he (and John Starks)
hadn't fallen apart at key moments.

The Suns are different. Charles Barkley, Kevin Johnson and Thunder
Dan played their best basketball ever, and it was good enough to
inspire great memories, but they just couldn't beat MJ.

Nash's Suns are the same way. They play excellent. They come up big
late in games. None of the core guys plays like a dope. And yet they
keep coming up short anyway.

Man that sucks.

My blog

Did you know I've been updating my blog again?

Yeah, I think I'm funny.

I think its better because its just short snippets.

But that doesn't mean I like Twitter.

I just think most people only need a little bit of me at a time.

I am exhausted by Prairie Chickens

I've never really been interested in birds. In fact, I've been
actively opposed to learning anything about them.

But sometime in the last year or so I started thinking of them as dinosaurs.

Now I'm pretty into birds.

I feel this is important to share.

In case you didn't know...

The absolute best websites for food recipes (aggregation sites anyway)
are Allrecipes.com and the food network's websites. What makes these
sites so great is the comments on recipes. Lots of useful
information.

In the past week we've made a couple of new recipes off these sites
(Greek Green Beans and Greek pasta salad). Both excellent, but both
with very useful info on different varieties in the comments of
AllRecipes.

Argh

I practically write for a living, but when I'm writing a letter
committing us to spending $30k I suddenly can't figure out how to
construct a sentence.

Background noise

I usually listen to this, along with some light jazz, while I'm at work to set a relaxed mood.

Today? 

Today was just two tabs open to the rain, slightly off, so that the number of thunder-crashes was greater.  

I'm like some kind of genius.

The Tea

See, the tea is Earl Gray. I brewed it this morning (at like 7) and
put it, still rocket-hot, into my travel mug, sealed the lid on, and
just opened it at around 9 or so. Apparently that's just enough time
for the tea to cool to an acceptable temperature, without being cooled
completely.

Yeah, my travel mug is pretty awesome.

I thought you should know.

Ups and downs

Ups:

Child #2 is doing great, gaining weight, acting cute, trying to sit up
(working his core)

Downs:

Streams in are getting the short end of the stick

Ups:

Participated in a contest for high school students yesterday that was
focused on environmental concerns

Downs:

I feel excluded and isolated from everyone I interact with, plus I
have a generalized feeling of dread.

Ups:

This is really good tea.