Forever

Yes yes, Two posts in one day and then nothing for over a week. I am weak!

The reason: Twofold, my wife has been working a lot, and therefore using the computer. That has severely cut down on my time to type creatively. The other reason is that I'm getting ready to leave town and head back home for a few days. So I've got to get everything done for that. Yay!

So, as an extra special treat, I'm including below a couple of scenes from the upcoming blockbuster play entitled "Random Dialog from a Used Bookstore in Britain." This really works best if you use your best British accent (or, if you actually are British, try it with an Aussie accent). I won't promise you Shakespeare, but I will promise that I wrote it.

Enjoy!
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“I don’t suppose I could get my change?”

“I don’t suppose you could, I mean, I’m the one behind the register and you’re way over there.”

“…What?”

“Plus, you’re the customer. I’m the shop owner. I mean, it would hardly be appropriate if I just let people go about getting their own change.”

“Ok…Can you give me my change?”

“Oh! Right. I see. Here you go then, 3.74. Have a nice day!”

“….idiot.”

************************

s “Andy, would you mind closing up tonight?”

a “Yeah. I hate closing up, especially alone. I mean, this is a bookstore, didn’t you ever see Bottle Rocket?”

s “What? No one is going to rob us, we’re a used book store. We’ve got no money!”

r “Put your hands up bastards, this is a robbery!”

s “Oh bloody hell.”

a “See I told you it was dangerous!”

s “Shut up Andy! Look guys, we’re a used bookstore, we’ve got no bloody money!”

r “What do you mean you’ve got no money?”

s “I mean we’ve got no money. We mostly operate on credit.”

a “Maybe you’d just take some books? We’ve got an early edition of Kerou-“

s “Andy, shut up! No guy, I’m sorry, but we’ve got about thirty bucks in the register, go ahead and have it.”

R “Thirty bucks!”

S “Well, it was a slow day.”

A “Actually I thought we did real well today.”

S “Andy…please stop talking.”

A “No but really, I mean, we had three sales, including one of the five dollar books.”

R “Oh hell…..Oh..uh…wait. Did I say this was a robbery?”

A “Um…yes. Yes you did.”

S “Yeah, I think that’s what you said.”

R “Wow. I think you guys ought to get your hearing checked.”

A “Really? Why’s that?”

R “What I said was ‘Put your hands up bastards, this is a bobbery!”

S “A what?”

A “I think he said a bobbery?”

S “I know what he said, I’m just not sure that’s a word.”

A “Oh, of course it’s a word! It’s a noun…means a noisy disturbance…as in ‘To raise a bobbery’. Probably some kind of Hindi descentent.”

S “You’re making that up!”

A “Oh no I’m not. Perfectly good dictionary up there behind you.”

S “What, the Websters! Oh dear god, what do I look like..a kindergardener? Did you ever see this fancy word in a grown-up’s book?”

A “Look, just ask this guy what he meant, I bet it was exactly what I said.”

S “Hey, where did he go?”

A “Don’t go changing the subject!”

S “No but seriously, I think the robbery is over.”

A “Damnit. The word’s bobbery, and there wasn’t much of one to start.”

****************

S “Good morning M’am!”

M “Good morning.”

A “Hey boss, have we got any more Louis L’more books?”

S “We’ve got three shelves of them.”

A “Well, this guy thinks we’re missing some key volumes.”

S “Really? Like what?”

A “Apparently his latest release. A 1998 book called Desperate.”

S “1998? I’m pretty sure he died in 1988.”

A “What? Really?”

S “Yeah.”

A “How do you know that?”

S “Uh. I think I must have just read it somewhere.”

A “You’re not fooling anyone. You’re a Louis L’Amour fan aren’t you!”

S “No, of course not.”

A “No shame it in it.”

S “I’m not a fan.”

A “I mean the man sold millions of copies of his books.”

S “Commercial success doesn’t equal talent.”

A “’course not. Redefined the genre, practically invented the genre actually.”

S “Well…yes. He did.

A “I mean, I’m not a die hard fan like yourself, but I certainly can appreciate him.”

S “…Well.”

A “Certainly a reason why all these books got published.”

S “Yes. Well, I might have read a few-“
A “I knew it!”

S “Wait-“

A “A Louis L’Amour fan…My own boss.”

S “No, no, no, I-“

A “Owns his own bookstore even.”

S “That’s not true, viscious lie.”
A “Hahahaha.”

S “Look, why don’t you go tell the customer that book must be by someone else.”

A “Oh, there was no customer.”

S “Wait. What?”

A “No customer. Made it all up just to hear you admit your dirty little secret.”

S “But how did you know to pick a date after 1988?”

A “…uh.”

S “You’re a fan!”

A “No, no no. Of course not.”

S “Oh just admit it.”

A “Well…”

S “That’s what I thought.”

A “Well.”

S “Well.”

A “So….which book is your favorite?”