Let me get this straight

The Bush administration has run the country so badly that we went from
being ridiculously wealthy in 2000 to the point where "The market is
not functioning properly." in 2008 and we're supposed to believe that
the Bush Administration is a reasonable group to suggest a solution.
Does anyone realize what you can do with 700 billion dollars? You
could replace half of all the coal plants in America with solar
facilities! You could repair all the damage caused by Hurricane
Ike...32 times!

Or you could give it to a bunch of guys who are so incompetent that
they are asking for a government bailout. Does this mean those of us
who said that the Bush administration would be an unmitigated disaster
are completely right? Yes. Yes it does.

Recipe Download

Ok, so I've been doing some cooking, and for the most part it has turned out fantastic, so to improve the otherwise negative tone of this blog, let's recount some awesome recipes.

Quick Spaghetti

Ok, so this is for when you don't have 3 hours to devote to Alton Brown's fantastic marinara sauce.
I don't really keep track of 'amounts' of ingredients unless I'm baking (and I'm not really that good of a baker...so...).

Smoked turkey sausage
Can of diced tomatoes (no salt or sugar added if possible)
Can of tomato sauce (ditto)
Rosemary
Oregano
Onion powder
Shot of vodka (good vodka)

Cut the turkey sausage into small pieces, sear briefly, and then add everything else except the vodka (if I were using real onions, I'd add them with the turkey and cook until translucent). Once things are bubbling, add the vodka. Simmer for about 20 minutes (or more depending on how intense and thick you want this stuff.

If you've got more time, use onions and celery and sweat it for about 20 minutes, then sear the turkey and add everything else.

This is at least a hundred times better than anything you can buy at the store. You don't need a lot of sausage for it, the flavor goes around.

The other thing we do with spaghetti is mix in zucchini or summer squash with the noodles. Just cook the noodles until about 2 minutes before you would normally, add the sliced zucchini, and turn up the heat (because you'll loose the boil when you add all that mass). Cook it that last two minutes, then drain and add some olive oil (which is essential, otherwise the zucchini sticks to the noodles strangely).

The Stew-Chili:

Did this today while thinking about making chili:

Cubed 2 pork loins.
small amount of turkey smoked sausage (is it obvious we had a bunch of this in our freezer?...got three meals out of it)
chopped celery, onions, carrots (I used frozen because they're cheap and fast, but I also added more fresh onion)
can of diced tomatoes (drained)
can of rotel (drained)
hard, winter squash (actually I used Pattypan Squash, which I'm not sure if it is a summer or winter, but had the right texture. I would have also used pumpkin with a lot of success, although it probably would have added some additional flavor, and I almost used potatoes, which might have fallen apart during the cooking)
and spices:
Red pepper
Cayenne pepper
Black pepper
Rosemary
and of course, Cumin

The weird thing was, that this was supposed to be a chili, but ended up having no peppers or chilis (except for what's in the rotel, which was 'mild'). Anyway, I seared the meat briefly, then threw it all in a slow cooker for ~7 hours. This turned out pretty damned amazing. I'd serve it to anyone. The wife insists it is a 'stew', and although we both agreed that a chili is also a stew, I think she was saying it was more like a vegetable/beef stew kind of thing. I think of it as a chili-stew. Using chunks of meat instead of ground was a tremendous improvement, and the pattypan squash took up the flavors of everything else and I think kind of thickened everything like a potato would. Maybe there's some starch in there?

Anyway...come visit us and I guarantee I can get you some damned good food.

Lord...

...I hate election years. Nothing makes me lose more faith in humanity than watching it vote.

Letters to people I hate

Dear Jack H. Ole;

No state-listed threatened or endangered species or crucial wildlife habitats should be significantly affected.  However, if you keep doing this kind of shit, we're going to have to start listing some of these species.  I mean, you realize that you're the reason our country is going down the tubes, don't you?  You're tearing down the natural environmental that provide us with air filtration, water filtration, and food so that someone can live 30 miles outside of town and in two years start bitching about the fact that another housing development is going in next door and spoiling their view.  

We recommend minimizing disturbance to wildlife habitat and reseeding and landscaping with native warm season grasses, forbs, shrubs and trees.  But you won't do that will you?  There are ten thousand species of plants that look amazing and require exactly nothing to maintain, and instead you're going to go with some Eurasian hybrid on your lawns and a bunch of Japanese ornamentals to provide shade.  Half a billion people in Africa are dying because they lack properly treated water, and you're going to be building a development where people just pour it on the ground to water their lawn.

Information on how to reestablish native vegetation can be found by contacting the local conservation district http://www.ks.nrcs.usda.gov/ or Kansas State Research and Extension office http://www.oznet.ksu.edu/main/maps.asp

Future emails regarding this project, or any new NOI's, can be sent directly to me and include in the email subject line the following information.  Email requests tend to be processed more quickly than paper copies.  And requests that don't seem to be full of idiocy will be treated with more dignity than those that don't.

T&E; Proj: Another Stupid Housing Development; CO: Somewhere; LOC: 6-6-6

Thank you

Chromawesome

Ok, that title doesn't work, but I'm not changing it.  

I'm sure I'm the last guy on the bandwagon, but holy cow, where did chrome come from?  I had no idea Google was building a web browser, and all of a sudden it is available.  Playing around with it so far is neat.  There's not a lot of crap to shrink the window, it seems to go really fast, and apparently it is open source.  Which means its source is open.  Ok, I really don't care what it means, except that presumably all those awesome FireFox extensions I've grown to love so dearly will eventually be migrating over to this browser.  

I'm kinda amazed I like it, because reading through the description, I was sorta like:  everything on here is already in my browser.  But it really does seem to go a lot faster, and gosh, that's pretty much the most important thing in the world!

Bees!

Yes, I got to work today only to find that a massive beehive, hidden
away in a tree, had been violently disturbed by the construction of a
sewer line. Bee stings all around.

Of course, this is a wildlife agency. So we're trying to salvage the honey.

Kitchen Tour

New house, new kitchen, means I have been cooking like a fiend. Here's the stove area (note the Alton Brown cookbooks and Harold McGee's "On Food and Cooking"). This is more space than we had in the last apartment already.

And this pretty much doubles it (there's another cabinet to the right and a pantry and fridge to the left). I know its kind of a disaster in this picture, but I was in the middle of making a savory cheesecake and lasagna.

Did I mention this is a zucchini cheesecake? We've been getting random batches of zucchini, squash and cucumbers for the last few weeks. What the hell was I supposed to do with it? We made bread, chocolate cake, this, pickles, stir fry...the list goes on.

The final product on the cheesecake. This will be lunches for the week. Ended up tasting a little more like a quiche than a cheesecake.

Then there's this beast, the boiling water canner I bought from Wal-Mart for 10 bucks. And no, there was no where else I could have purchased it from (I've only got one store in town, and they don't sell this stuff at Target, etc. which is an hour away anyway). I've been slaving over this thing off and on for the last two weeks.

But check it out! Pickles! A version of Alton Brown's "Kinda Sorta Sours". This involve more vinegar, and thicker slices, but damn, they taste good already (they'll taste bettern in 4-6 weeks). I can't even explain how weird it is that I made something that will still be edible in 12 months. I also made piccilli (my recipe is different than what's on Wikipedia), which is a sorta cucumber, etc. relish. Then I went crazy.

Ah, fresh cherries. Why did I buy fresh cherries? A) I hope my wife will make a cherry cobbler (even though she's not a cherry person), B) I wanted to try "Brandied Cherries". Of course, since we're talking about me here, this turned into:

Vodka'ed cherries. They aren't even supposed to be good until 8 weeks.
They are really easy to make though. That was last night. Today/tonight, I went really crazy:

Yeah, I bought a case of peaches. As in, 25 pounds. That's around 1/3rd of the total there. Again, I'm hoping for cobblers from my wife, but in the meantime, I turned off the AC and started heating up the kitchen to can some peaches.

That's a canner, a pot with boiling sugar syrup and peaches, some heated mason jars, and a big vat (~1 gallon) of peaches soaking in "anti-browning" solution. The temperature in this room was easily 15 degrees higher than the rest of the house.

And after 3 hours, 15 pounds (or so) of peaches have been canned and are ready for deliciousness in the middle of december.

Of course, I had to 'brandy" some as well. Needless to say, I'm both thrilled and exhausted.

And now for something completely identical to everything that has already happened.

Yes, I think that's funny.

On a more outstanding note:

- Canning. Yeah, canning. Or pickling, in my case, because i don't yet have a canner. But still, canning. I have now, on two occasions, produced food that I could theoretically eat in a year and still be fine. Wow. The concept boggles my mind.

- Spent the day at home with the little monster. He played, I cooked and cleaned. I like to cook. I like to stay home with the kid. I asked my wife's boss if she could get a 300% raise so I could just quit work and be a stay at home dad. I would probably get bored eventually.

- Remember people, we've gotta stay positive:

Boriiing

Too many projects to do.
Not enough time in the field,
Makes me a dull person.
And lazy too.
Bleh.

bleh.

Am I reading these things right?

I just can't help it. Has anyone else seen all this noise about Brett
Farve and the Packers?

If you read the ESPN articles on the subject, you would think that
Brett Farve deciding to unretire was A) news and B) unexpected and C)
such a 'disruptive force that the entire Packers' season will be
derailed.

Last I checked, this was a football team, employing adults, who are
perfectly capable of playing football despite a "media circus". In
fact, a "media circus" is practically the goal of any group of
entertainers.

This has got to be one of the signs of the apocalypse.

Abandoning our child

Today was the boy's first day at daycare. Ug. I feel like a bad dad.
I took my child to some weird house, and then just left him there.

Walked out.

Left.

And I still haven't come back.

He didn't really seem to mind being dropped off.

I hope he didn't realize 2 hours later that "Holy shit! Where are my
parents!?!?!"

A few of my favorite spam messages

"Explosion rock Israel, Gulf war imminent."
Wow, that's a shock.

"Schwarzenegger gunning for Presidency 2012"
Hello Skynet!

"Global potence ensurer!"
Uh...okay. Global?

"Best jokes about your boss"
You don't even know my boss!

"John McCain proposes gay marriage"
Actually I think this one's legit, and no, John, how many times do I
have to say no?

"Britney Spears to undergo sex change, enter politics"
I'm not sure why the sex change is a good career move for a
politician. Care to comment John?

I don't want to sound fickle...

...but just a few weeks after telling you that the best song of 2008 was the Flobots "Handlebars" it turns out I was totally wrong.

Please take a moment to meet Vampire Weekend:



I'm going to have to be real careful about going close to any record stores for the next few days, or else I might just buy this album. Did I mention they have a song entitled "Oxford Comma" which includes the line "Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?" Those of you who sat through lab meetings with me know exactly how annoying that fucking comma can be.

Thinking

Random thoughts from a few weeks of exhaustion and gradual recovery:

- My niece's first birthday party was last week. We had fun,
although driving 8 hours with a 10 month old for the eventual reward
of going swimming in a freezing cold pool wasn't exactly relaxing. On
the plus side, the munchkin did get to see his cousin and play with
her toys. Plus he got to be held by Grandma, and sleep on Grandpa.
He also got to visit a new mexican restaurant (he LOVES mexican
restaurants). Still, I was so exhausted by the time Monday rolled
around that I was, just about literally, a zombie in the office.

- I have a bad case of Alaska envy. In grad school the "golden child"
project in the lab took place in alaska, the administrative person at
my current job worked for Alaska's wildlife department for 28 years
and she's always talking about how great it was, and in grade school I
always got assigned Alaska to write a 'state report.' The thing is, I
have no desire to actually move to Alaska, but I would like to go
drive the Dalton highway.

- NBA: Elton Brand...what the hell happened? According to him, I
guess the Clippers gave him a 'take-it-or-leave-it' offer, and he was
insulted by Donald Sterling saying he didn't care if Brand stayed or
went. But then I guess Brand's agent was confused about that, saying
that the team was dealing with Brand personally and circumventing the
agent. All I know is that the Clippers better pick up Josh Smith or
they are going to suck next year. Also, Baron Davis is going to
destroy the 76ers.

- Read Illium and Olympos by Dan Simmons recently. Pretty good
books, but now I have to go re-read the Illiad.

- Cooking fun: Made (from new recipes) fudge, coleslaw, firecrackers
(carrot-pickles), sour cucumber pickles, and potato salad. All of
that pales, of course, before tonight's attempted masterpiece:
Tzatsiki sauce (and eventually gyros).

- Internet gets hooked up at the house on Friday....thank god.

Boy was I wrong..

... About the NBA Finals. Like, wow. Really wrong.

The Lakers had 1 good game, 1 lucky game, and pretty much looked like
they didn't belong for the entire series. How come? What happened?
Well, I guess the stupidest adage in the book "good defense beats good
offense" is probably going to be trotted out as the reason. But I
disagree. My philosophy in basketball is that no team wins without
good offense, you have to have it. Bad or mediocre defensive teams
have won plenty of titles (the Heat spring to mind), but no team wins
without a great offense. And honestly...

The Lakers offense wasn't that good. I _thought_ it was that good,
and so did basically everyone else in the basketball watching world,
but that's because we were assuming that Kobe Bryant was still Kobe
Bryant from 2 years ago. You know, a guy who could randomly carry his
team with a 60 pt explosion. In reality, and I said this earlier this
year, he has played all year a couple of pegs below his 2003-2007
level. You don't notice this stuff unless you see him play all the
time, but there was no way he was going to play at that level forever.
And if you missed it all season long when the change was subtle, you
might have assumed he was facilitating more, or that he was just
playing more in step with his teammates, or that he was spending too
much energy on the defensive end.

I'm pretty sure that thinking got him an MVP trophy.

Look, you can talk about the Celtics D, and about his pinky injury,
but you and I and all of western civilization knows that if you gave
Kobe the kind of opportunities he got in these Finals 3 years ago, he
would have driven a stake in your heart.

The reality was that he sulked for the first two weeks of the season
and it seemed like he must have sulked through his offseason workouts
as well. Then when he decided he cared again, he didn't have it
available anymore. I don't know if this is a one-year aberration, or
if this is just a guy getting older and worn down (he has played a
_ton_ of extra games in his career), but the days of being afraid of
Kobe are done. He's just another guy who is capable of some
spectacular offensive games here and there. He doesn't make his
teammates better, he has more confidence than ability (a problem for
most of his career), and I doubt we ever see him out in front of an
offensive team this good again.

Meanwhile the Celtics broke the biggest jinx that nobody ever talks
about: The super-teams always fail. Barkley-Pippen-Olajuwan with the
Rockets (out in the 2nd round), Shaq-Kobe-Malone-Payton (lost in the
Finals), etc. etc. Usually those "big together the biggest names you
can" plans fail miserably. Not this time.

As as for those of you who box glaciers:

The NBA hasn't called moving picks in 4 freaking years! 4 years!
The only reason the Celtics do it more than the Lakers is that the
Lakers are just about the only team in the league that doesn't really
do a lot of pick and rolls.
Now, how can you root for the Lakers...a team that traded away the
best center of the era for two SFs and a pick...a team featuring a
star who deliberately flails his arms around after every. single.
shot. in order to draw fouls...a team coached by a jerk who constantly
demeans the effort of his opponents...a team whose greatest superstar
(Magic) happens to be the most annoying person ever in a tv studio...
On the other hand, the Celtics feature three players who haven't ever
gotten in trouble (unless you count getting stabbed 23 times), who all
gave up the idea of being the 'man'. A team that said "Let's not
throw away the hopes of our season ticket holders by just making
modest upgrades any hoping it all works out in 3-4 years."

How could you root for the Lakers in that scenario?

You can't blame the Celtics for scooping the Bulls on KG. Hell, if
it weren't for Paxson's notorious love affair with Luol Deng, the
Bulls could have had EITHER KG or Gasol (or maybe Kobe)...I don't know
if you noticed, but while Deng was stinking up the joint this season,
those two guys met in the Finals.

I know...that was a little harsh, but at least the Bulls have the #1
pick in the draft. All we poor Mavs fans have is the
consolation-prize of a 300 year old point guard who can't shoot. The
3 best years of DIrk's career are going to go by without a single
all-star calibur teammate (don't talk to me about Josh Howard).

Music, Basketball, Maddox, Top Chef, bleh

I'm in Kansas City, again, and I wandered hot and humid through the steamy jungle that is the Eastern edge of the Ozarks.

Yay.

Let's just say that

So let's cover this:

MUSIC: At this point, I'm sorta seeing everything blend together into two categories: The Hold Steady and Everybody Else. Kings of Leon? Jonathan Coulton? Avril Lavigne? Angels and Airwaves? All the same...blend it all together and what do you get: Not the Hold Steady, and therefore, not the ultimate music. The Raconteurs "Hands" kinda sounds like the Hold Steady might have played a role in its creation, though.

Basketball: Did I mention that KU won the NCAA basketball title this year? For the next five years, I don't fucking care, KU won it all. I might just cling to that for the next 10 years. I really want to write about 10,000 words about how weirdly improbable that was, but I won't, because nobody else I know is as big a fan as I am. And no, I would have still remembered this team if they had lost.

NBA: Well, actually, I'll save this for the end so you non-NBA people (basically everyone) can ignore it easier.

Maddox: The best page in the universe. I've been reading through it again lately...man that guy's funny.

Top Chef: So....I watched the last three episodes and the new one tonight, and I could probably write another ten thousand words about this. Let's try, really hard, to keep this brief:

Richard and Stephanie: Richard spent most of the season being very non-critical of his fellow competitors, probably because compared to them, he's high class. In fact, there's probably only a couple of hundred chefs in the US who have more experience than him, whereas the rest of the Top Chef competitors are basically children by comparison. But once down in Puerto Rico, and to some extent in the last episode in Chicago, he's sorta taken off the gloves. I would say he was borderline insulting to Lisa. However, my wife pointed out that the whole season they've been playing up this "Is this the year a woman wins Top Chef?" angle. And it may be that they're creatively editing Richard to push the male v. female thing.
At any rate, I have a hard time imagining this contest coming down to anyone but Stephanie or Richard, and really, Stephanie is a long-shot. And that's how it has been since day 1. I think of Stephanie's cooking as more comfort and basic, whereas Richard's cooking is just plain spectacular. The one time Richard nearly got canned on the show was when he left scales on the salmon, at this point that seems more and more like the kind of thing that could hurt him: Details that he usually has underlings watch.

Lisa and Dale: Wow...talk about burning bridges and creating drama. The restaurant wars episode was hilarious. That was like open warfare in the kitchen between Lisa and Dale and I think it was so obviously a universal disaster. You could tell that they knew it too. As soon as Bourdain walked in to guest judge it was like Dale gave up, he just seemed to lose it. Really, in the Puerto Rico episode I would have preferred Stephanie paired Dale and Lisa together, because it would have just been so obviously ridiculous. The big question would have been whether or not Dale would have openly sabotaged Lisa. I think yes, but I could be wrong.

Spike: You have to bring up Spike's amazingly masterful performance in the Restaurant Wars episode. First, he figured out that he wasn't going to be able to cook with those two egomaniacs in there ignoring him. So he focused on the decor and the presentation, and did well at it. Second, when the judges asked who decided on the decor, he knew that they liked it, and so he deflected the credit to all three of them, but Lisa and Dale were on-edge and defensive, and their reaction immediately said "that was all Spike." Which is what Spike wanted, because the judges then knew that it was he who made those decisions. Meanwhile, he ended up with no credit (or blame) for the disaster that was the meal. Now, if Spike had been clever enough to toss the scallops in the steakhouse, he might have moved on to the final.
Overall I had mixed feelings about Spike. He refused the stupid game of assigning blame to teammates when the judges asked him, with one noticeable exception (when Zoi got eliminated). I think that by the end, he seemed like the least experienced competitor, and therefore got sent home. He never seemed quite as sure about what he should do as, say, Richard or Stephanie, or even like Nikki and Jen were. And sometimes he was kind of an asshole.

Antonia: I was really bored by Antonia early on in the competition, and she totally threw her teammate under the bus in one of the early episodes (Remember Valerie?). However, she just hid out in the middle of the pack on several episodes, bombed totally on an episode where she had immunity, and eventually turned up the skill level in the last three episodes in Chicago. However, I still think she's kinda weird in her food sense, and I can't really complain on the cooking side about her being kicked out before Lisa. Al dente beans? Really? Seems gross to me.
Oh, and I thought it was kinda interesting that Padme had to compose herself before telling Antonia to pack her knives, and afterwards Tom immediately whispered something to her. Did Padme want to see Lisa gone? Was she about to cry?

Everybody else: I think a number of the eliminated chefs really proved themselves to be excellent cooks on this show: Jen, Spike, Dale, and Nikki spring to mind. But I don't think any of those guys had a chance in hell at winning this thing. The requirements are too varied. For instance, I would probably love, love, love to eat at Nikki's restaurant because I love that rustic Italian style, but that doesn't mean she knows what to do when the contest is 'Classic Elements'. Similarly, I don't know if I'd trust Dale to make me a pirogi, but I bet the food at his restaurant would be pretty amazing.

On the other hand, I feel really bad for the first two chefs eliminated (Nimma and Valerie), since we really didn't even get to know them as cooks. I mean, shrimp scampi (that eliminated Nimma)? Who the fuck cares?

This show would be more interesting if the first 2-3 episodes were non-elimination, but scored, and then the bottom 4 were eliminated all at once. Ok, maybe not more interesting, but at least we'd get to see all the contestants.

Of all the contestants, I would have a hard time picking a chef to cook for me. Richard is definitely my favorite, but I'm not 100% sure I would like his food that well, since I've got so many things I refuse to eat (like beef, food heated in plastic, etc.). Stephanie would probably be excellent, but I am such a sucker for really amazing Italian, that I'd be hard pressed to turn down Nikki.

Now some notes about those judges: So Bourdain is a 'personality' and certainly has a lot of experience with foods from everywhere, but in the pantheon of guest judges they brought out, they included mexican chefs, steak chefs, french chefs, asian chefs, pastry chefs, gastronomists, and BBQ experts. Where the hell was the Italian guest chef? Didn't all that fancy French cooking come over to France from frickin' Italy? Where's the Italian guest chef?

NBA: Man, I've been writing for a while here. Let me just write one sentence about each of the eliminated teams.

Nuggets: This team has the worst chemistry of any talented basketball team I've ever seen and they should trade everyone but Melo.

Suns: Shaq killed these guys and they have to pay him for two more years.

Mavs: Gee, let's ask Kobe Bryant how easy it is for an NBA team to do well when there is only 1 legitimate scoring option.

Rockets: Nobody believes T-Mac and Yao are ever going to figure it out.

Hawks: That was a cute playoff run but you still suck.

76ers: With just a little more cohesion, this team could turn into the Pistons.

Wizards: Nobody is going to take you seriously until you stop acting like idiots.

2 sentences for the 2nd rounders:

Jazz: I have no idea why this team isn't in the Finals. What are they looking for at this point?

Hornets: Great talent and a good coach, but they need a young perimeter player. And they need to get rid of Pargo.

Magic: I'm not sure Dwight Howard is good enough to build a team around. And this team is the worst in the league at managing assets.

Cavs: If LeBron James played for the Suns last year he'd have averaged 50 points a game. Cleveland's offense is a crime against basketball.

3 sentences for the 3rd rounders:

Spurs: Manu and TP have to get more consistent. The Duncan Era is over, unless they find a real draft pick. I hate this team.

Pistons: They've had a good run, no matter what anyone says. People forget that Flip turned them from a brutal offensive team into an efficient offensive machine. They need to upgrade Rasheed.

And the finalists:

The Celtics: I've felt all year that this is the only chance this team will have to win it all (guys are getting older). They've come together so quickly that the league didn't have time to react, and they used their intensity to jump all over teams. They've certainly got the pieces, but since the playoffs started they've all seemed pretty awful. I have no idea why. They've survived because of Paul Pierce and sheer will, but unless the four days off allows them to regain their intensity (a possibility), they are badly outmatched in the finals. If they can win the first 2, I think they can win the series, if they lose either of the first two, it's already over for this group. The only way that happens if it Paul Pierce raises his game (as he typically does against the Lakers).

The Lakers: I'm not sure why, but nobody really wanted to believe this team was this good 2 months ago. I read a lot of articles about how they still "needed Bynum to return" or how Lamar Odum was the weak link that would become their fatal flaw. The reason that was all crap is that Pau was a huge upgrade over Bynum in the present even when Bynum was playing great. The reason Bynum was more valuable is because of his moderate skill level today combined with his probably great skill level in the near future, whereas Pau isn't likely to get a lot better. The only teams that were going to have a chance against the Lakers were cohesive teams that could take advantage of their very minor weaknesses (poor defense and Kobe's ball-hogging). You can't take advantage of the Laker's without an extremely well-oiled machine of an offense and a defensive philosophy that bends but doesn't break. Exactly how many of the teams in the league had that kind of combination? The Jazz did, but even so they couldn't quite get it done. The Spurs might have, but apparently Manu was hurt or something. The Mavs, and especially, the Suns, had that kind of team, and I firmly believe that the Suns with Marion would have been capable of handling the Lakers (but maybe not the Spurs).
But it isn't like those are huge weaknesses. And I seriously doubt the Celtics are going to be prepared to disect them. I'll be shocked if we ever even get a "Kobe's pissed off" face going in these Finals, because he's probably just going to shred that Celtics team.

And that sucks, but you know what: At least this isn't like the 01-03 Lakers teams that featured Shaq. I don't know if you remember, but in those days Shaq was getting every stupid call, he couldn't dribble or shoot from further than 3 feet away, and basically he was annoying in every way. I hated those teams, because it seemed like the best play had less basketball skills than me, and was just getting by on being huge. This Lakers team is different. Guys like Lamar and Pau and Ariza are freaking players. Sasha and Farmer and Derek Fisher are all bringing something to the table, and guys who are sometimes amazing (like Luke Walton and Turiaf) are going to be coming off the bench. The only ball-hog is Kobe, and he's efficient enough when he needs to be that it isn't as bad as it used to be.

Which doesn't mean I'm in favor of the Lakers. I'll be rooting against them. Go Boston, city of idiots.

Lakers v Spurs

In Salt Lake City.

Saw the Mormon Temple.

Ate at the semi-famous Lamb's Grill.

Sitting in the hotel...

...Not sure what to do now.

Good lord...

My biggest fear that is child related is that I am bringing someone into the world that is going to have to go through the absolute hell of moral depravity and idiocy that is childhood. For some reason, this country is filled with idiots who think that 'children are innocent' and 'cute'. Seriously? No, really, seriously? When you say that, all I can hear is you saying: I'm too old to remember. I'm about to turn 30, and I sure haven't forgotten. Kids, in general, are pretty much the moral equivalent of dog shit, and that's pretty much how 95% of them treat 'weird kids'.

The reality is that this is 100% encouraged by teachers, principals, and other adults in the school system. I can't tell you the number of bullies and scumbags who got 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances when I was growing up, just because the kids they were picking on were somehow weird. And yes, of course, I was one of the weird ones. I don't really know why adults (teachers) allow this kind of stuff to happen, but I assume it is because they are around it all the time. I mean, stories like this are way too commonplace. There's no defense for this kind of behavior. As a group (there are exceptions) I trust school teachers about as much as I trust Republicans.

There a lot of nights I spend lying awake and thinking about this and worrying like hell about what my son is going to have to go through. I really can't think of anything to do about it.

Step By Step Instructions for Flight Prep

I know there are lot of people for whom flying poses zero emotional or physical distress. I have, never, been one of those people. The best I've been able to do previously is forget I'm going to be flying until the moment arrives. One time, on a flight from Chicago to Anchorage, I actually tried drugs. The drugs were great, and I can't thank the person who suggested them enough, but I'm not sure it helped to have my hat turn into a turtle and feel like that was just fine (What? Let's just say that I'm saving the rest of those pills for a special occasion).

Anyway, this time I can't even remember why I would be worried about the flight. I mean, yeah, Rocky Mountains, crowded, borderline stupid airport in Denver...I'm searching here. I've given it a go, but I just can't work up the worry I've had in the past. I guess I really didn't have for my last flight (to Milwaukee).

Nevertheless, here are my step-by-step instructions for preparing to get on an airplane when you don't like to fly. These aren't really in any particular order, just the order I'm doing them.

1. Bring a good book. I usually go with something by Terry Pratchett: Light-hearted, funny, and overwhelming awesome. In fact, if you haven't ever read a Terry Pratchett book you haven't really lived. Pratchett's books take place in a flat world held up on the backs of four elephants, who are themselves riding on the back of a enormous turtle and are traditionally placed in the comedy-fantasy section. Yet, he has managed to create characters and situations that are such realistic portrayals of modern society that its hard to imagine them not being classified as "Theoretical Underpinnings of Western Philosophy".

2. Don't sleep the night before. I'm working on this one right now. In fact, I haven't well slept for a week, which doesn't have anything to do with flying, but a lot more to do with sleeping on the damned couch all the time and a series of storms. Did I mention that a 8-month old can take up a hell of a lot of space on a bed? I mean, judas freaking monkeys. This boy owes me. At least we have a moderately comfortable couch. Now if the tornadoes would stop.

3. Bring work along. I plan on this...in fact, the guy sitting next to me better be prepared, I plan on reciting my talk ten times on the flights out there.

4. Review the basic physics of flight. Seriously people, it has nothing to do with damned Bernoulli's principle. Or rather, it isn't caused by Bernoulli's principle.

5. Physical activity prior to flight. Seriously, go crazy. Run, walk, swim, situps, crunches, yoga, pilates, boxing, mosh pits, whatever it takes. Just go crazy. Combined with the lack of sleep, this should put you in a very, very, drowsy state when the plane starts. Hopefully, you'll fall right asleep (meaning, I won't practice my talk after all). Plus physical activity releases endomorphins in the ol' brain. Good times.

6. We'll see. I'm up to step 5 right now. I guess step 6 is listen to crazy music and write another blog entry.

I can ride my bike...

There's only 5 months down in 2008, and we already have a winner for the "Best Song of 2008" award. This one is, of course, in the running for All Time Greatest Song Ever award, which I will be handing out when people quit making music.

Meanwhile, here's the Flobots with Handlebars....actually you're going to have to type that into google, because I'm sending this post via email, and i can't embed video or links in the ole email...or can I? I also like this song, although I think the singer is trying to be weirder than she really is...how weird can you be with perfect studio editing? If you listen to the song without the video, it doesn't sound weird at all, but I still kinda like it. I think this is me admitting that I've been listening to too many absolutely hideous radio stations since I moved to the middle of the country. Pretty much anything sounds amazing when your options have been Metallica, ANOTHER spin of "Life is a Highway" or that stupid Alicia Keys song again (just shoot me). If there's one thing the main-stream music radio stations have got down, it is how to turn a perfectly fine song like this one into a reason for me to drive my truck into a ditch. Other good music? What, there's other good music out there? How about the fact that I still think Jack White has resurrected Kurt Cobain (girl....you got those hands...that heal!)?

I'm alone right now, in the center of the country, with wife and child slightly to the left on the map of USA, but I will soon be soaring over their heads and moving slightly N, to arrive at the home state of Mormon-ville. Aside from inland salt waters, that's about all I know about where I'm going, so I guess I don't know anything. Oh, and I still haven't practiced my talk...so lucky people in my audience. Fortunately, my talk isn't until the last day...so no one will be there anyway.

When I'm alone, I tend to play the music really loud, and I just started up another song...you know how volume is on youtube (variable from song-to-song)...wow. I almost got knocked out of my chair....that was a little too loud.

Other stuff

- What, I've been away from Webcomics for too long? I'm just going to point you at this bit of awesome (that everyone's probably already seen), this surprising poignant bit of observation, of course the cool three-parter from Penny Arcade, I'm kinda interested in trying this sometime, I think this is about the whooping cranes, and is probably pretty honest. And I know its the in thing right now, but here's another comic about the semi-hilarious war between hang-glider pilots and helicopter pilots.
Of course, nobody is more scornful of cliche than I, and this is why.

- The NBA. I'm torn, I really am. On the one hand, I've hated Kobe Bryant for so long I'm not even sure I remember why it began. Oh yeah, it was when he was such a whiny baby over the course of his entire career. On the other hand, I hate the Spurs tremendously. There's nothing I wanted to see more in their first round series against the Suns than Shaq accidentally breaking Tony Parker's hand in five places ala Bobby Jackson. But no...we couldn't have that happen, could we. And then we couldn't have the most exciting semi-finals imaginable with a Derron William/Chris Paul matchup. And we couldn't even get the Paul-Kobe supermatch. No...we have to watch the freaking Spurs and Lakers, again. And frankly, the Spurs are huge underdogs. I don't know how they managed to beat the Hornets, cuz I didn't get to watch those games, but they've got no shot at all against the Lakers.
Which sucks, because nobody else has any chance against the Lakers either, unless Tayshaun Prince suddenly turns back the clock 3 years.
So who am I rooting for now? The Spurs and Pistons? Excuse me? The worst Finals imaginable. A Finals that would remind everyone why every summer I decide: That's it, I'm done with the NBA. A Spurs are, in general, a crime against basketball, and the Pistons are borderline ridiculous. So I guess I'm rooting for the Lakers-Celtics matchup, which would bring out so much 80s nostalgia that I might have to ignore the Finals anyway.
Did this ramble get anywhere? No, probably not. I guess I'm rooting for the Lakers, because Pau and Lamar have always been awesome, and it would be cool if they ever got recognized for how good they are (not to mention Farmer).
But let's just keep this straight Spurs. There was a time when I was in your corner, when I rooted for your team against the dreaded Lakers, when I believed your triumph meant the chokehold of the NBA dark ages was over. But you spoiled that by turning Bruce Bowen from a solid defender to a cheap-shot artist, when the Duncan face became more important to your success than anything else, when you hired Robert f***ing Horry. While the Lakers are like some kind of damned vampire that can't be killed, only wounded, you are more like a zombie. You are hard to kill, but that doesn't mean you're alive.